Yana's First American Dance

October 25th, marks the date that I am sure our headaches will begin. We send our beautiful daughter off to her first dance here in America. I begged her to buy a raw fish and bring it with her and eat it with the head on. Now way, that kind of stuff happens at home, not in front of her American friends.

We are hosting a student from France for the week. She arrives in time for the Jamestown High School homecoming dance. Anne-Laure is here for a cross cultural experience. I told her she is getting more then one cultural experience. We have taken Yana out of the Ukraine, but the Ukrainian will never leave Yana. That is what gives Yana so much of her charm, she loves who she is. We love who she is too, our little Ukrainian daughter.

The picture is Anne-Laure, Yana, Ella, and Erica. Yana's dress is from the Ukraine. When Marina was here for the summer, she and Yana did a dress exchange. This is the dress that Marina bought for her birthday with the money we gave her for a present. Yana was so excited that no one would have a dress like hers. The day of the dance, the girls got together at Ella's house to do make-up, hair, and have dinner. Erica pulls out her dress to show everyone and Yana announces that Ella has the exact same dress!!! That is not acceptable to happen, so off to J.C. Penny's they go to buy Ella a new dress, just hours before the dance. I am so proud of the girls, they were so sweet to Anne-Laure. Ella and Yana are friends from Berdyansk and Erica is one of their closest friends. It was so wonderful that they could open their hearts up so easily to Anne-Laure. Beautiful girls and a wonderful night, that is a success story.

Fran

Back to School--Fall 2008

What is missing from this picture? Fear, there is no fear.

The past 8 months have flown by, and Yana is adjusting so fast to her new life. She will be the first to admit that it is not

an easy adjustment, but she knows that it is all worth the

effort. The beginning of this school season was nothing like the first day of school in January. Yana was up early, excited, and ready to go. She knows that the challenges will be greater this year and that she has to work very hard.

Yana had a full summer. Many trips to Busch Gardens, Water Country and visits to Kingsmill. Many friends came to visit, many sleep overs and girl parties. Lots and lots of movies (since we have no hook-up for television). She did find time to take summer school and prepare a little for the school year ahead. She shopped, rearranged her room (more then once or twice), and kept close contact with the friends she left behind in Berdyansk. We brought the summer to a close with a family trip to Lancaster, PA. to visit Amish country and most of all see the production of "In the Beginning" at the Sight and Sounds Theater in Strasburg, PA. It put a perfect closer on the summer. It gave us time to catch our breath and remember all of our blessings. We were hoping this trip would draw us closer together and that it did. Rick and I knew that Yana was at peace being in a family. She is looking forward to include her own brother in on the love of family.

The only news about Marina is that camp is over and she is now in trade school. We have not heard from her, and may never hear from her again. We all have moved forward and let the past just be the past. There are times that we find ourselves pondering, but we don't stay there for long. We have accepted that the story was written this way for a purpose. I am grateful for our time we all shared together and pray that God will father her into His hands of protection. We pray as a family nightly that Marina will see God's hands. May this all have a glorious finish.

Time to prepare for Hurricane Hanah that is coming past to visit this weekend. Lets pray that she is not as mean as she looks right now!

Fran

Goodbye, God Bless Marina

Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy. Though one goes along weeping carrying the bag of seed, he will surely come back with shouts of joy, carrying his sheaves. Psalms 126:5-6

What a powerful promise that God gives us that grieve over our harvest that feels so lost. Where is the return on our investment? So much labor, love, sacrifice, and now pain. Where is the fruit to this. It is in the promise, there will be shouts of joy. What does the whole picture look like, I have no idea. All I know is God's promises are yes and amen, even when the harvest looks dead.

Marina is gone, she left as scheduled on Monday, July 14th. She left her summer vacation early and her adoption behind. She left with a smile on her face, a hug and kiss for Mama, and a hug and a kiss for Papa. Mama cried, Papa's eyes full of tears, and Marina with sparkles in her eyes and a sweet smile on her face. I don't get it, but I am sure that my parents didn't get me either. When I grew up, I didn't get myself when I was a teenager. I do have some theories, but who knows if I will ever find out if my hypothesis is correct. This may be one of those questions I have to put on my list of questions that can be answered on the other side of heaven. I just hope that instead of asking God the question, I will meet Marina there and I can ask her what happened. If that is the case we will be laughing hysterically, because Psalms 126 says so. I will accept the harvest on either side of heaven and be shouting with joy.

The one question most people ask is will we hear from her again? We never talked about it. We are leaving it up to her. She will have to write the first e-mail and we will respond. As long as she writes, we will respond. We have times that we want to know what happens to her and then times when we think it would be too painful. We will take whatever comes our way and use it for God's glory, because the bottom line is His glory. We left on good terms, she knows the depths of our love for her. Marina never missed being a part of our prayer time. When we got into the car to leave for the airport, at 5:00a.m., Marina was in the back seat with her pillow and a blanket over her head. I thought she was asleep. Rick and I prayed for the journey. As we started to pray I felt Marina's hand grab on to mine and her head lean against my shoulder. I am amazed at her desire to pray. I pray that she keeps on praying, even through the circumstances that will be ahead of her in the days to come. She knows that mama and papa will always pray for her.

The adoption process is started, the homestudy is underway. The direction has changed to Yana's brother, Koyla. Who ever dreamed the journey would include a 12 year old boy. I have come to know one thing is for sure, nothing in this journey is for sure. We are praying for God to open the doors for Yana and her brother to live together again, it is His picture. We have a frame that was given to us when we came home with Yana. It says "The Rahn Family". We never put a picture in there because we felt one person was missing. Marina will always be missing from the picture, but now I decided to wait to see if Koyla will complete the picture.

As much as I am in pain, I am fascinated by the story. There is a sense of mystery that gives me spark. All I know is in the end there is a promise of shouts for joy!
Fran

Reflections of the Past

After a very difficult afternoon with Marina, and a translator, Marina is booked to return to Ukraine on July 14th. Pain always creates a season of reflections in me and I am reflecting. I see so much of me in Marina when I was 15 years old. At that time I didn't know God in a personal way. Having popular children like me was so important. I was easily steered into the wrong path just to be accepted. Most of all rejecting the people that loved me the most and wanted the best for me. When the family took a vacation I didn't want to go because I would miss what my friends were doing. The moment in time was the most precious moment, there was no future, it was all about now and all about me. I see all of that in Marina. Maybe that is why God put her on my heart. Maybe that is why he chose me to pour His love into my heart and I was to pour it out to her.

My mother had two sayings, that she said to me in my rebellious years. One was, "What goes around, comes around", and "You will get back what you dish out". Those two sayings have stuck in my head all these years, I can still picture my mother saying them. Since I never had biological children, I thought that I got off the hook. There are times when I would reflect about my mother and think, with a grin, I didn't have to pay that aweful price. On July 8th I got alittle taste of the horrible rejection that would come around some day. It came from a person I love and invested in to give a future to. Is she running from me, no she running from us, no, she is running back to what is familiar. Did she stop loving us, no, she continues to tell us how much she loves us. The window of opportunity closed to adopting Marina in January when we left her behind. Her frame of mind changed and her friends changed. She joined up with the children that could not be adopted and bad mouthed America and moving away from the Ukraine. She bought into the lies that life in Ukraine was better then life in America. It even goes one step beyond, family is restricting and is no fun. That is what life is all about to most 15 year olds, especially if they have spent 10 years in an orphanage.

The translator was an angel sent from above. She was 19 years old, beautiful and full of compassion. She was gentle with both sides. She was from the Ukraine and was studing in University out there. She seemed to be full of hope and focused on the future. She had lived in America at one time of her life and was hopeful that the door of opportunity would again open for her to come back and study here. After translating to Marina she asked me permission to speak with her about her experience. I granted permission, but since it was in Russian I had no idea what was said.

Later that afternoon I got a call from the person that this young lady was staying with. I found out her story. She was brought up in an orphanage, a social orphan. Her mother worked on a cruise ship and left her children to be cared for in an orphanage. She has a brother that is still in the orphanage. This young lady was brought over on a host program. She studied in America for 3 years, 6,7, and 8th grade. She wanted to return to Ukraine. The family that hosted her tried to talk her into staying, willing to pay for the private school education. They told her that life would be hard in Ukraine and opportunity limited. She could accomplish so much more in America and the family would help her. She even told Marina that the family wanted to adopt her and would go talk to her mother to ask permission. She said no and went back to the Ukraine. The family was right, she has had it very hard. She is extremely intellegent, she is the second top grade person in the university. She has to earn her own money while she is schooling. She is on her own, there is no family behind her. Her desire in life is to be in America where there is so much more opportunity. The young lady did bring something back from America at a young age and that was her personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It has been the focus of her life and the faith that moves her forward. There is a family that is trying to bring her back to America to study. A very difficult task for a young women that is 19 and has no family ties, an life long orphan.

In times of reflecting Rick has pointed out that he sees how disappointed God must feel in us when we turn from Him and follow our own path. When His will is not followed but we make things happen our own way. I know that if Marina calls out to the Father in Heaven He will be there for her. I am hoping that the time that Marina has spent with Rick and I will be the foundation for her to reach out to God when in need of a friend, a family, a comforter. Marina's life is going to get hard, I believe as soon as she gets back. I believe that she will go to a trade school immediately. The comfort and security of the orphanage will be gone. Her friend that she thinks is so important is staying at the orphanage. I highly doubt that she will be there for Marina when she gets home anyway. Her goal to block the adoption was accomplished, Marina is emotionally too immature for her liking. Her friends own hurt from a failed adoption will be the influence that Marina has choosen to follow. Ooh that hurts, even though God knows all this and He knew that this adoption would not happen.

We have 4 days to go before we bring Marina back to the airport. Our goal is for her to see Jesus more in us then ever before. To see Him with His arms stretched out wide with the love that He had for us that put nails into His hands. I remember asking my mother when I was in my late 30's why she put up with me when I was so rebellious. My parents had such unconditional love that revealed their faith as I grew older. My mother responded without a skip in the beat, "What, and give up my harvest?" I don't know that I will see my harvest on earth, but either did the major patriarchs in the bible. I pray that some day I will see my harvest in heaven and she will be dancing among the saints and we will be able to dance with her. The sadness will be gone and we can rejoice that we are a family.

Is the journey over? No, there is more to come. For now I will take time to heal. God is doing a great work in me and when it is over I hope that the sadness I feel will turn to be a "Glorious wounding" for the orphans that are all over this world that God cares about. I pray that the fire that was burning in me before the hurt will return to give my energy to help other orphans find the Christ that is their true hope.

Fran

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

The same rollercoaster ride, just a new turn and a fast twist, and at times your upside down. That sounds like the "Griffin" at Busch Gardens, but it is not, it is the adoption (or not adoption) of Marina or is it Maryna? It sounds like turmoil, confusion, upset, and defeat. It is not, it is peace, comfort, submission, and faith. Is life a path without curves? Either is this journey that I agreed to take. Can the curves throw you off balance? Yes, if they are taken too fast, or if your eyes are not fixed on the right place.

We are on our 21st day with Maryna (or is it Mara). It started out with turbulance which we attributed to insecurity, jetlag, confusion, language barriers, etc. The guardian and friend returned to Berdyansk and after a brief dip in mood, a swing that started the assent uphill. That is when we took a car trip to Jamestown New York to see my family. A planned time of celebrations. Chris is graduating from High School, Ethan is getting baptised, Teresa got engaged, and Rick and Fran have their 2 girls! Unfortunately, Gina and Rob are left behind in California because their baby is due any time and she can't fly (we still celebrated our new addition to come). The trip to Jamestown took 10 hours, we stopped a lot, ate a lot, laughed, watched DVDs, listen to music, slept, talked, and finally arrived safe and sound on Thursday afternoon on June 27th. Lots of people, lots of confusion for a young girl that doesn't speak the language. We start to see mood changes. Is it hormones, age, confusion, insecurity, or the boyfriend back in Berdyansk? Yes it is.....all of them. The weekend has lots of fun; swimming, motorcycle ride, horseback ride, games, graduation party, and dance. Alittle taste of everything in a short period of time. Then the rain cames over Jamestown and the Rahn family. The weather keeps us inside, and the confusion level increases. I see Marina going down hill. By Saturday evening we recognize we have a real problem. Marina has turned on her defense mode and she is going to be as mean and ugly to Mama and Papa as she can be. She is going to go back to what is familiar, to her orphanage, to her boyfriend, to what she knows and her way of doing this is going to be by making Mama and Papa hate her and send her home. We make it through Sunday (barely) and Monday morning we are on our way home. The first half of the trip is aweful. She won't even talk to Yana. Nothing was pulling her out of it. What a long trip this is going to be with an iceberg in our back seat. Rick and I traded off with Yana so that she could enjoy the view of the front seat, instead of the storm in the back seat. I asked Marina to relax. Nothing could be done until we got home, as far as sending her home, so just enjoy the trip. She did and the "Son" entered the back seat. We were all grateful for the break.

We get home, there is no move on making plans for her to leave and she feels out of control--the storm returns. There is no acting out, just crying, isolation, ignoring Mama and Papa, anything that would make us turn away from her.

Where is Yana in all this? She is an angel sent from above. Yana was a shinning light. She felt sorry for Mama and Papa, so she gave us extra love and still is. She realized the fullness of having family. She is grateful for all she has and is ready to move forward and not backwards. Praise God that such good can come out of this. We know that Yana needs a break from this. She has been in the middle of this for 5 days, 24-7. She asks to have her friend over that is also from Berdyansk. The 2 girls are best friends and haven't seen each other in 10 days. Mama takes Yana, Ella, and Marina to Busch Gardens. Ella sees what is going on and she also feels bad for me so she tries to help Marina open her eyes to what she is doing. The 2 girls are given an assignment, help Marina have fun. They accomplished their goal and we return home. Marina is still on a mission to make Mama and Papa miserable. By now I know that Marina has two dates that she can return to Berdyansk, July 14th or August 28th. That is the only time that a guardian will be traveling and since the guardian that I paid for, so that Marina could come, went home, that is just how it has to be. Wednesday evening the girls have had it with her behavior toward us. They see the disrespect, the lack of caring about the sacrifices that we made, the hurt that she has caused us and the pain of the whole situation. The girls are more taken back by it then we were. I hear arguing in the bedroom, the two girls leave the room and Marina is left to cry herself to sleep. I go in and sit with her, and pray for her, leaving her to deal with her emotions and her God. Thursday morning, we plan to go to the Ukrainian market, and swimming, topping the evening off with a trip to Busch Gardens for fireworks. The iceberg is thicker then ever as I serve breakfast to the girls. I wrote Marina a letter that gave her the two days that she could fly home. I also told her that our love for her was not like a love that is person to person. Our love was from God that flowed through us and out to her. Therefore it doesn't change because of behavior, it is unconditional. Since she couldn't change it could she please just enjoy herself while she was here with us and let us enjoy her. We also communicated that we have done everything she has asked for, so if she is mad at anyone she is mad at herself for asking.

Off to the Ukrainian market, the "Son" started to appear. By evening the "Son" was shinning bright. Mama and Papa were allowed to have the love that God has put in her heart for us. I must say that Rick and I could hardly keep our eyes open that night. This emotional stuff is exhausting. Things have been better for the last couple of days. We have no idea what the next few days will hold. She is telling people that she is going back on July 14th. As of right now, we are not moving forward on the adoption. We are seeking God's wisdom. She seems to really be enjoying her freedom to love and be a part of the family. We have had a few minor mood swings, nothing abnormal for a 15 year old girl. None of this behavior is abnormal for children that do get adopted and know that life has changed. The only difference is that Marina goes back and her life does not have to change.

We have been fact collecting about Marina in Berdyansk. She did graduate from the nineth grade. She is not a great student, so the director can send her off to trade school. The director told us that she would keep her until the adoption. Since Marina is talking about going back, it is looking like she will be sent off to trade school. This will be a life changing situation for her. That is the heartbreak for Mama and Papa. She is choosing a path that is full of sorrow. I fear that another name change is going to happen. This time it is a name from the book of Esther in the Bible, Mara, it means bitter. Marina's life will become bitter over time.

We are praying for God to intervene in all this. In the depth of her dispair with us, she has never stopped being a part of the family prayer time. Even when she wouldn't speak to us she wanted to pray with us. She knows the light, she has seen it and she knows the darkness, she has felt it.
We do believe in God, the Father Almighty, and know that He is in control, even if Marina goes back to what she thinks is home.
Fran

Three-two=Marina

My definition of journey is constantly changing. I used to think of "Alice and Wonderland", or "Wizard of Oz" as a journey. When I came to Christ I started a journey of walking by faith. The first part of the journey I was introduced to miracles, healings, love, surrendering. Along part of the journey was a path of growth and building of valuable knowledge. I am not too sure what to label the Adoption Journey, the only thing that comes to mind is...."The Griffin", Busch Garden's newest, fastest, steepest, rollercoaster. The beginning of the Griffin ride is a steep up hill, followed by seconds of beauty looking at the James River from this incredible height. Then the cars come to the edge of a hill, where you can no longer see the tracks, and you tangle there for maybe 5 seconds (which seems like minutes) and then the release, you fall straight down. Before you know it your spinning, going up, dropping down, a few more spins and then in 90 seconds it's over. The ride is over but the head is still spinning, and trying to absorp all that just happened.

What has happened in the last couple of days is still making my head spin, and my mind is trying to absorp what happened. I am not sure that I will ever know the whole story, but God's hand is written all over it and He knew the players that had the maturity to reveal His glory through the whole thing. His hand of protection was on the people that are emotionally too wrapped up in the "Griffin" to stay on the track and possibly would have spun off.

I will give an appreviated version of the story, so that it is journaled for life. It is one of the pivital points in my faith walk that I will always go back to. When I requested Maryna to come on the host program with Frontier Horizon, the director of the orphanage would only allow her to travel if there was a guardian from Berdyansk that would be with her. I felt like this was a way of discouraging me from having Maryna for the summer. I approved and with the help of Frontier Horizon, it was financially going to work. Then another couple dicided to host a child from the same orphanage. The guardian became the Berdyansk guardian. The other family was so gracious to host the guardian for the first 2 weeks because we were going to visit my family and wanted it to be the 4 of us. On the way home from the airport the girls announce that the guardian is the director's daughter. At first the hair on my head stood straight up, but within minutes I realized the blessing that was available to us through this. The guardian seemed very nice and the girls were very comfortable with her. The guardian left with the other couple and we left the airport as a family of 4. For the next 3 days my family was adjusting to another person in the house. Little did I know that for those same 3 days the other family faced a storm, a very painful one at that. At the end of the 3rd day I receive a call that the guardian and the other child are returning to Ukraine the very next day. Wow...they unfolded the story of events, I could see God's hand of protection over my family. The host family, the agency, Frontier Horizon, and God were working together to prevent my family from being hit by the storm. The night that I received the call. Rick had taken the girls out and I was home alone. That was unusual, but I needed some space, so I thought. That night I found out that the guardian and child would be returning to the Ukraine the next day. I wasn't sure at that point what that meant for Maryna. I didn't want to say anything to Rick until we were alone. Wouldn't you know they came home with movies to watch. I sat and watched the worst movie while my head was spinning from the information that I had received about..."The Griffin". When I told Rick the story and that the guardian was leaving, you could tell by his eyes that he was on the same spinning part of the journey. A little overload of information at bedtime.

A day has gone by, no new new. The host family, we thank them and pray blessings will shower them. For the agency, a first for them, never had the problem before, they did a great job. For us, we couldn't be happier. We are so thankful for the players that God has used to protect us and are sorry at the same time. We pray that this is the confirmation that God is giving us that Maryna will be adopted by us this February. I think this summer we will spend alot of time at Busch Gardens. The Griffin Rollercoaster is my favorite ride. I think I will ride it often this summer to remind me of the journey that God's hand is directing us on and we are not to fear the drops and the spins, just hang on because there is a jerk at the end of the ride and He is in control of that too.

Welcome to America, Maryna!!!

June 19th took forever and ever to get here, the date of Maryna's arrival to America. I remember sitting in the apartment in Berdyansk, and Maryna, with tears rolling down her face, said that she will do anything to go to America. Today is the day that she will come to America, awesome. We arrive at the airport in Washington, D.C. one hour before the flight arrives. Rick, Yana and I have dinner, play a few games of Crazy-8 and then proceed to the gate where international travel comes through customs. We get to the gate right on time, 6:55 p.m. and wait and wait and wait. It took about a hour for them to go through customs. Then I look over and Rick is just hugging on this beautiful young lady, and Mama starts crying from joy.

The journey to America is hard and long. For the two children coming from Berdyansk, it starts with a drive to Zaporizha, which is about 2.5 hour trip. Then an overnight train ride to Kiev. The train stops and starts all night long. A very difficult place to get a good sleep. At 5:00 a.m. you get up so that when the train stops in Kiev at 6:00 a.m. you are ready to get off. A trip to the Kiev International Airport, a 5 hour wait for the plane and then a 2 hour flight to Paris and finally the last big push, an 11 hour flight to America. Once you made this difficult trip you stand waiting to get through customs. The girls from Berdyansk were exhausted. Maryna was overwhelmed with everything. Emotionally she shut down. On the way home she informed us that she was unable to eat or sleep on the plane or the train.

Yana was a superstar, what a blessing she is. She helped with translation at the airport, not only with Maryna, but the guardians and the other children. She was tender towards Maryna, helping her through this very difficult situation. Yana is definately a special young lady. She knows when to step up to the task and she proved herself again at the airport.

Shortly after we left the airport we stopped at McDonalds so Maryna could eat and the caffine that was needed to get home could be aquired. Shortly after the food was eaten, the car went quit, Maryna feel asleep, and Yana went into i-pod mode. What a dream to have these two girls with us. God has a plan, this is only a small piece of the plan. This moment in time there is spiritual peace, thankfulness and praise. God has done a great work in all of us, I am not sure the girls recognize it right now, but that is okay, Mama and Papa can see it.

The drive home is a breeze until we get close to 295, the pass around Richmond. The road narrows and if there is going to be an accident that is the spot. Unfortunately, that was the case.
The traffic is backed up, a slow crawl. An hour to think about how fast life can change, how blessed we are, how important to ask God to protect not only us, but all those around us. For over an hour the mood changes, it becomes somber, knowing that at 70 miles an hour accidents are bad and people get hurt. Anyone that comes out of these accidents with minor injuries have just experienced a miracle, I pray that on this night there were miracles.

We get home, we have to wake Maryna up from a deep slumber to walk into a house that has had a dog inside for the last 10 hours! Our dog, Ginny, is almost 9 years old and hyper as a puppy when she is happy. Poor Maryna crawled into Papa's arms to hid from the monster dog.
Ginny is very aware that there is new smells that she has never met walking into the door. Maryna goes from peaceful slumber to confusion, Welcome Home!

Yana takes them into their bedroom, Maryna's face lights up. There is a brief burst of energy. This is the moment in time that you wish that you could speak Russian, to communicate emotions. Yana's side of the room looks well lived in, Maryna's side looks ready for her to move in. The contrast overwhelmed me, I have to remind myself this is God's plan and I know that His way is the only way. My plan was for this to all happen at once, His plan, one at a time. The very first thing Maryna does is open her bag and give Yana a picture of her brother Koyla. Is God's plan more then my plan? The picture creates a bond between Yana and Maryna. Yana is grateful. Koyla, a young brother left behind, what will be his story?

Time for bed; prayers, lights out, mama and papa crawl into bed, and wake up. Too much caffine, too much excitement, and the dog has been in the house for too long, she is ready to play.
This is going to be one huge adventure this summer, I just pray that God's glory is written all it and that he gives the strength to this couple to enjoy every single moment of it.

Fran

Berdyansk Reunion 2008

What a beautiful picture, Ukrainian children that once lived in an orphanage, now have families that love them. The Berdyansk Reunion was a wonderful occassion for the adults and the children. All the children in this picture are from Berdyansk except for a handful of 4 or 5. Most of them knew each other in Ukraine, and all of them have roots to the Ukraine. There are two boys that lived in another orphanage in Ukraine, what a surprise they had when they came face to face.

The reunion started off on Friday, June 13th, with a dinner-simple one of course. Then at 8:00 it turned into a Disco Dance. The children had a blast. The lights dim, the disco ball spinning, shoes off, the Russian music blasting and the dancing began. The next two and half hours was filled with energy.

The following day we are out the door and at Busch Gardens around 10:00 a.m. An exhausting day of rides, walking, eating, and good fun. Even some of us adults took the challenge and jumped on the "Griffon", Wow! You would think by 9:00 everyone would be exhausted. Only the grow-ups, the children could have used up the last hour and continued to ride for the last hour.

The final day included church at the Williamsburg Community Chapel thanking and praising God. We followed church with a picnic, soccer game, and more fellowship. We said good-bye to people from Arkansas, Alabama, Virginia Beach, and of course Williamsburg at the end of the day, Father's Day at that.

We get home exhausted, Yana crashed. She played very hard all weekend, even had a friend that was adopted at the same time she was, stay for 2 nights. It will take a couple of days to recover from this weekend. Just in time for Maryna!

We are prepared to pick up Maryna on Thursday at 7:00 p.m. in Washington, D.C. As I write my heart is just racing, excitement, nervous, thrilled, scared, emotional, trusting, and most of all thankful that God has paved this path for Maryna and for us.
Fran

Preparing for Maryna

Yes we are preparing for Maryna and not Marina. For over a year I have written Marina and when I got the list of children coming for the summer, Marina's name was Maryna. That is a very appropriate to make a name change at a time when life is going to change for her. It is biblical too, a change in life, a change in name.

We are busy getting as many as our projects done before Maryna arrives so that our summer is the girls. We are busy painting, fixing, weeding, shoveling gravel, building, etc. We are doing everything with a great deal of excitement. We called Maryna on thursday and she was standing in line at the U.S. Embassy, Kiev, waiting to get her visa. She was scared, we were surprised. I never thought of her getting scared over this exciting adventure. I can't help wish that it were different and we were holding her hand through this. After I hung up the phone I thought about her being scared in Kiev Embassy, wait until she hits New York City Airport. Now that is a cultural shock!

I am not sure that Yana is all that ready to have Maryna. We have been talking about it and praying for her visit, but I think she is fine having her own room. The best indication of it happened by accident. I want to build a second floor on our house. Now we are starting to need one. Before the second floor happens, Rick has to build his workshop so that he can expand. Before Rick builds his workshop we have to get approval from the county. Before the county approves anything we have to get closer on a land swap that our neighbor kind of forced us into doing. This land swap has already taken a 16 months, because there is a creek on it that runs into the Chesapeak Bay which is some 60 miles away. So you see the upstairs of our home is the future. One night I was teasing Rick about the second floor, could we build it this summer, we would have plenty of help. Yana was in full agreement. Rick encouraged her to draw the plans for her bedroom. The next day she gave us her plans, the luxury suite, with 3 windows, a study area, huge closet, double bed. That is what happens after being in America for 5 months! It doesn't take us humans long to want a lot. I said, where is the bathroom? Her eyes got huge and she said, "Oh yeah, I forgot". I will hang on to the plans though, it was pretty good looking for the master bedroom, after all you always have to think about resale value and that bedroom would have a great value. When I asked her about Maryna's room she said, "You won't have to build Maryna a room, she can have mine room that I have now!" Am I in for an exciting life with 2 teenage girls. I have experience though, I was a teenager once and I had 2 sisters, I know what I am in for.

We are getting ready to call Maryna now, that you God for skpe and e-mail. It has kept us connected. Our prayers are that all goes well with the travel and that Marina will like her future home and family. I know that God is in the center of all this, so His will, will be done.
Fran

An Oath to America!

Friday, May 9, 2008, Yana is sworn in as an American citizen. She makes a pledge to honor her country, stand by her country, and even bear arms for her country. No, she doesn't know what that all means, but I did and I was brought to tears by the pledge that this young Ukrainian girl had to make standing in front of the American flag, with her right hand up. As she is repeating the words of the oath, I am checking myself, am I worthy of this oath? Would I repeat these words in this oath? She pledged to give up allegence to any foreign country and defend only America. She looked like a little girl standing there repeating such important words. When she got out she told Rick her tongue hurt from repeating such big words. She did an excellent job, we are very proud of her.

I wanted Yana to know that this day was special to her, even if she didn't understand all of it. I wanted her to know that we were proud of her. We celebrated with a party and my family sent her cards in honor of her special day. She knows that it is special and she is proud of it, but she doesn't understand the importance of citizenship. In time, I believe she will. Wouldn't it be awesome if she could explain to Marina the importance of that day, when it comes around for Marina?

The event itself does not offer itself to be a memorable occassion. We had to go to Norfolk, in the pouring rain, find the tiny office in an off beat street, and then leave our camera in the car because of security. We go into a room with a table at the back wall, with a few chairs facing the front wall and the American Flag. Yana signs her name in several places and then goes to the front of the room. In front of the flag, she repeats the words that the man who is standing infront of her asks her to repeat. The man is very friendly, patient, and dressed very casual for the occassion. Rick and I sit in the front row, like the proud parents that we are, and witness Yana repeating her oath to America. Yana is given a tiny flag for her efforts and we march out of the room.

I need to get a copy of the oath, it is worth reading every once in a while. It gave me a reality check of what it means to have the honor to live in a free country. The price that many have to pay for our freedom and the responsibility of having that freedom. Rick and I walked out of there grateful for America, and for our freedom to be able to walk out with our daughter that we were so freely allowed to adopt and bring home to our country. America has opened her arms to my daughter, and for that I am so grateful.

I think I should have the job of swearing people in as citizens to America. I would get all dressed up, serve cake, clap and shout, take pictures, and then send them out of the building playing the National Anthem. Now that is a day worth remembering.

God Bless America!!!

Quiet and Trust is My Strength

Quiet--I have been. It has given me strength and trust in the Lord. I have needed some time to renew my strength. I read some books that helped me put all of my journey into perspective and my relationship with the Lord into perspective. I am not ashamed to say that I was defeated, angry, and hurt by all that has happened. There are many times I have raised my voice in anger to God and told Him, "If He had done things my way..." I know, I am no different then the Isrealites in the old testament whinning and complaining. I was disappointed in God for making the adoption so hard. I have listed all the reasons that things should have gone my way: our finances, my age, for Yana to have a sister, etc. etc. etc. Then I read the book that is so appropriately named, "Disappointment with God". That book has been in my home for the longest time. It moved from New York State to our apartment in Virginia, 13 years ago. Then it moved to our first home in Virginia, and then it moved to our home that we live in now. The book never interested me before, so I have never read it. It came free one time with the order I had made from a Christian Book Club. It is so out of my character to keep books, or for that matter anything that hasn't been read or used. I am the ultimate de-clutter person. I don't like stuff, I like space. The book was perfect for the message that God would have for me. It is the same message that is in the book of Job. When I stepped aside and viewed God apart from my hurt, I got the message! God is God, He made the universe, do I have any of these abilities? Am I God? I thank God that I am not God, the position is way over my head. I don't even want to be president over one country, that alone reign over All the universe and everything in it. Wow, what a task! With this type of thinking, God is returning laughter, joy, hope and pleasure, back into my life. I can't say that laughter comes as often as I would like it to, but at least my laugh muscles are starting to work again and the laugh lines are starting to appear on my face again. I have even had to get the "Fine Line Creams" out and use them again on crows feet that surround my eyes. That is a good sign.

Yana is doing great. Her English is improving rapidly, even though she points to her head and says it hurts from all that she is learning. She is a joy to have in our lives. She has been able to share some of her past with us, which has brought us closer together. Life in the orphanage was good for Yana, a save place to be. She is missing her friends, especially her friend Inna. She tells me often that she loves Inna. When I hear the stories about Inna I understand why she loves Inna so much, Inna cared about her alot. When she first came to the orphanage Yana would walk and stand with her shoulders rounded forward, her self-image was low. Inna would make her stand up straight and poke her finger into her back and tell her to stand tall. Yana would stand up against the wall for 15 minutes everyday, because Inna watched her and made her do it until she stood tall. Thank you Lord for Inna, that helped to make Yana the young, beautiful lady that she is today. I know from the stories I have heard that Inna is one of Yana's angels. My heart breaks for Inna and her sister Natasha, they have no chance of adoption. How sad is that. Both the girls are fun, loving, caring people. They would make great daughters.

We are allowing ourselves to get excited about Marina coming to visit this summer. It is looking more positive every day. I am still guarding my heart from disappointment. I am fearful that something will stop her. I just got word that the paperwork is done, that was enough to break down some of my defensive walls and allow a little excitement to enter into my life. I also get anxious, I still have fears of the future, the "what if"... When my mind goes to the what if thoughts, I run to scriptures. Everyday I read Psalms 32:7, Eph.3:16, Ps.68:19, Is.50:10, Ps.40:11 and Jeremiah 29:11--I know the plans I have for Marina...plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.

One new little twist in our journey. Before we left Berdyansk, Yana asked to visit her grandfather and brother. That was news to us that there was a brother in her life. There is no mention of the brother anywhere in her records. He is 11 years old, soon to be 12. She was brought up with this brother. She carried her brother away from harm many times and even took a beating for her brother so that he would stop being beat. Yana knows that her sister is safe and has a good family. Her brother was not so lucky. We stopped by the grandfather's house so that she could see her brother. They have not seen each other in 5 years. Her brother was not there, he hadn't come home from the night before. Her grandfather said he was going to put him in an orphanage, that he was too old to handle him. This past week Yana got an e-mail from Inna that her brother is in Berdyansk orphanage. We called Marina and Yana was able to talk to her brother. He is sad that Yana is gone. Many emotions are flooding Yana. She has the biggest heart for her brother. They went through a lot together before they were seperated.
What a burden she is carrying. The orphanage for Yana gave her a chance to be a child, for that I am grateful. We have new prayers at night with Yana, now they include Kola's present and future. The good news is the same orphanage that gave her back her childhood, now has a chance to give Kola, her brother, a chance to have more childhood also. We are praying that Kola is willing to receive it.

Easter is Real

I am having a great Easter experience in my beyond mid-life. I laid my burdens on the cross thanks to scripture, prayers of family, friends, and believers I have never met, but I know their heart. The results rest and trust which equals strength, according to Isaiah 30:15. God's promises are yes and amen and I can say amen to the peace that I have receive. Easter was such a joyful celebration for our family. Yana has been in America for 2 full months and is blossoming along with the spring. She is such a happy child, really loves her life. She and Papa really became buddies while mama was back in the Ukraine. I think Yana has papa wrapped around her finger. She can get him to do most anything, even ride the rollercoaster at Busch Gardens so many times that he turns green. Poor Rick ended up Easter Sunday night in bed spinning. It had no effect on Yana at all, she could have kept on going.

Both Rick and I found ourselves rejoicing over our adoption of Yana. We told Yana that God is able to change hearts and He changed our last year and put her on our heart. What a change in life we have taken. In February of 2007, when I met Marina, I thought I knew the course that God was moving us into. I thought I was filling out paper work to adopt Marina. The river of life flows and the unexpected turns are there to keep me close to God. On Easter Sunday, again I thought that I knew the way the river was flowing, the next time that I would see Marina would be next February. Monday...a turn. We received an e-mail from Frontier Horizons. The director of the Berdyansk Orphanage has approved Marina's visit for the summer!!!!!!!!!!
How cool is that? When there was nothing more that I could do, that is when God could do His work and He did it in deed.

God has alot of work to do in all 4 of us this summer. I am so appreciative that we can join hands and walk with Him together. We will be blending as a family, preparing for a future together. We will be nurturing and encouraging two young girls to trust in the Lord with all our hearts. We will be preparing for an adoption, doing a homestudy, and getting the dossiers ready for February. We will have to maintain courage and not let fear, doubt, and anxiety, try to steal the victory of the moment.

When I look at the whole picture, I am overwhelmed. Marina will come, then she will go. We will be returning to the Ukraine for another adoption, and that will take another 5 weeks of living in the Ukraine. I have to admit that I have told God that the river that I mapped out didn't have so many turns and much less rough water. It was safe and financially more realistic. It was an overwhelming picture, especially when we decided to adopt Yana along with Marina, but it wasn't anywhere near the size of His ocean that He has placed in front of me. It is bigger then life to me. I can see God up in Heaven smiling and nodding His head. He is looking down on me saying, "That's right Fran, if I was going to have control, I had to create an ocean, one that was too big for you to see the whole thing." That's where faith comes from, when the circumstances are so big that I look so small. It is not up to me to know what God has in store for this journey. The miracle that I have been asking for could be right around the corner. All I know is that God is holding my hand and we are walking in harmony, because I surrendered to His ocean and found my river was filled with currents that couldn't be seen from above the water, but almost took my life when I was in the water. I am blessed to have such a personal walk with my Lord and Savor. I have always wanted to see God. I do, I see Him.
Fran

He Has Risen

It is Easter, He has Risen, and we no longer need to live under the circumstances, we can rise above them. Nothing much has changed, mountain tops one day and valley experiences the next. The mountains are not so high and the valley experiences are not so deep. I am finding peace in the prayers, the cards, and most of all God's Word. It is comforting to know that God loves Marina more then I do and that He cares for her more then I do. That is the burden that Jesus took to the cross. The experience of death on the cross was painful, so were the burdens that went on the cross with Him. I have given Marina's adoption and freedom to Christ many times and taken it back as many. I have worried myself to the point of total fatique, then recharged myself by lifting the burden off of me and back on to His shoulders, where it belongs. I am just another Isrealite that just can't accept a good thing. When I read about them in the Bible I think to myself, those fools, why can't they accept a good thing. I know that I am also a fool, I have the good thing, yet I deny it and the burden becomes so heavy. In the Bible a fool is one that doesn't know the things of God, one who denies them. I guess it is easier to be a fool then I thought, I never thought that I would deny the truth that Jesus cares for Marina more then me.
Today, I am no fool. I have given Him the burden and feel His joy and peace in me. Today I feel like I am one personality, Fran, under Christ. Today, I am enjoying Yana and the joy continues even as she sleeps. I am not running to the bathroom or hiding in my bed crying, I am rejoicing. I thought Easter was going to be painful, it is not, it is the celebration that Christ so deserves to have.

Yesterday, Good Friday, Rick, Yana, and I went to service at the Chapel. A quiet, sobber service. A reminder of the night that Jesus took our sins to the cross, and felt the pain of our sins. Yana sat between Rick and myself, watching, listening, and I am sure wondering, what is this all about. We left the church holding each other, heads high, and smiling. We were suppose to be somber and quiet. We honored the quiet, but the somber was a tough one. We are happy and it was hard to hid. I told Yana that I am thankful that God put a love in our heart for her, even before we met her. That is how God works, the love comes before and it just keeps growing.

Praise God, for He alone is worthy to be praised. Happy Easter!
Fran

An Aha Moment

Marina, sweet, beautiful and loving. God has really embedded her in our hearts. The devil is working overtime to keep us apart. While I was out in the Ukraine, I had two recurring thoughts. I once had a conversation with someone that said she did not want the Holy Spirit in her life because she was scared of what He would ask her to do. What if He asked her to quit her job and be a missionary in Africa. The other thought was a phrase I have heard the pastor at the church that I attend say. Life is an adventure when you follow God. The definition of adventure changes as we get older. The two thoughts together became my aha moment. I am in a place in my life that I really don't want to be, but God does. It is an adventure, but it is so painful. When this adventure started I was in Berdyansk on a fact finding mission trip one year ago. I called Rick and said that I had fallen in love with a young girl, Marina. I would either have to move to the Ukraine or she would have to be adopted by us. Little did I know that moving to the Ukraine was the easier path to walk. The path has so many hills and always followed by a valley. Yana's adoption was just a level path. Every door that has opened has closed again. The good news is that time is passing and soon we will be adopting Marina.

We had another door open. I learned about it when I was in Ukraine. An organization that host children from Ukraine. All I have to do is ask the organization to invite Marina for 3 weeks. and she can come to visit us during the summer. That is an okay plan. At least she would see her home, meet her dog, sleep in her bed. and know that this is here for her. I came home and called Frontier Horizon to find out the facts and we were elated when they told us that since we have a relationship with Marina, she can stay the whole summer, 9 weeks. I know the good bye at the end of 9 weeks would be hard, but it would put us closer to her adoption date. The organization has their representative in Ukraine contact the director and her answer is; she can only come for the summer if there is a guardian with her. In other words we would have to have a teacher here with her. She can come for 3 weeks, but she was worried that we would keep her. Our decision, bring on the teacher! The organization is contacting the director of our decision so we will see if there is sincerity there or not. Pray that there is please.

This morning in my prayer time, I felt stress and darkness. I really struggled with it and asked God why I saw Him so clear in my life and just could not see the same in Marina's. I have been praying scripture and injecting Marina's name into it. This morning the scripture that jumped out at me was Jeremiah 29:11
I know the plans that I have for Marina, declares the Lord, plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.
Hebrews 13:5
God has said, Never will I leave Marina, never will I forsake her.

The promises that God has Marina in his hands and He is only giving me a piece of the love that He has for her, that is where my peace comes from. I do pray that He will allow us her presence for the summer. Oh this journey has it moments when I ask God, if this adventure has to have so many painful moments, can't it just have a happy ending now. I will wait upon the Lord, He knows and that's the best mountain top experience anyone can have, to recognize that God is in control and I am just a small servant in His great plan.
Fran

On My Way Home

Here I am at the airport in Kyiv, with a 6 hour wait for my flight.  I got off the train at 6:00 a.m., then off to the airport, with no where to go until 12:55 p.m.  I have breakfast--as a passtime--and see the computers.  It is a great time to review my thoughts.  I haven't thought too much about what I have missed until now.  I am headed back to the land of plenty.  What did I miss the most;
my husband, my lovely daughter, Yana, my good dog, Ginny, and my pillow.  I also miss my family and friends, but they have all been there for me throughout this journey.  I have gotten to know them in a deeper, more intimate way.  

On Friday, the doors to the student visa possibility closed.  Not the director's fault.  She just lives in the land of "Law", where everything has official papers, stamps, documents, ink, etc.  There was nothing officially written on Student Visa.  There is nothing illegal about an orphan going on a student visa, there is nothing legal either.  The bottom line... nothing.  The biggest disappointment was the U.S. embassy, they were not prepared to help out, even though they said it was the way to go.  They were giving me Ukrainian mindset answers, not American.  There is a fact in Ukraine, the orphan children are Ukrainian citizens and have all the rights of a citizen.  There is a fiction in the Ukraine, the orphan children have the same rights as other citizens of the Ukraine.  There is nothing legal in an orphan getting a student visa, there is nothing illegal for an orphan child to get a student visa.  My head is spinning with Ukrainian Law.  Where do I go from here, I know where to go, home to America and pray.  I am dealing with a child's life, no guareentees, hopes that I will adopt her with out obsticales in February 2009.  I could take her case to the judge and let them decide if her 1999 registration should be honored.  The chances are they won't honor it and the people that made mistakes would get punished.  I am not here to punish, I am here for grace and mercy.  Besides that the punishment would fall on the director who made a mistake.  I make mistakes everyday, I don't want to punish.  Besides, the sweet, loving director reminded me that Marina is completing the 9th grade and could go to a dirty, tradeschool and live in a run down dormitory!  Power is powerful.  

I take Marina back to Hotel Berdyansk for our last night together for ? long.  We do not say a word during the taxi ride, we don't say more then 5 sentences the whole evening.  She is in a shell and I have nothing to help her get out.  We watch 3 hours of Animal Planet and cuddle up to each other on the bed.  At 9:00 p.m. I look over and she is sound to sleep.  I pray and watch her for most of the night.  She has a pretty face.  During the night she takes my hand and puts it on her cheek and holds it there the remainder of the night.  How can I help but love this girl.  In the morning I am taking her back to the orphanage at 10:00 a.m., she has a friend coming from another town that she has known since she was a child.  I am thankful for the distraction.  In the morning we have a talk.  I told her I was disappointed, but not defeated.  I know that by this time next year, 11 months from now, she will be an American citizen.  She will have more opportunity then she could understand.  She will be a part of our lives forever.  We will see her before the 11 months is up.  Then I bought her a cell phone, so that we could call her easily.  We were having difficulty calling her.  The phone is my phone, she is using it for 11 months.  We have already talked several times.  We were walking down the streets of Berdyansk talking to each other on the phone.  

I left Marina upbeat and happy.  She has been down many times in her life, but thank God she doesn't stay there.  When I called her from the train station, she told me she had had a great day with her friend and shouted out, "I love you Mama".  

I haven't stopped praying for a miracle, I see Him in all this.  I wish I could see the whole picture, but I know that while walking through the darkness of circumstances, I see God's light.
God is glorious and deserves the praises of the universe, even in my dark moments.  God is working in the lives of many Ukrainians too.  They are learning to trust in Him instead of their government.  That is very difficult for them, they were forced to trust the government for years and they were persecuted for trusting God.  God never left Ukraine, He loves His people and is helping them grow out of the darkness.

Ukrainian Darkness

Welcome to Ukrainian darkness, may I help you?
No papers were signed today. The director refuses. Marina was present when the director said Marina may not be the "same" kid when you come back for her in 11 months. All her same age friends were adopted- except for herself. Now the kids left are the "hardened" ones. these are the ones families have abandoned/abused. They're the kids no family relative thought they were worth keeping/helping. Ukraines get first option to select kids for adoption when they become available for a period of 1 year. After the 1 year wait, Ukraine opens they're availability for adoption to international families (us). The hardened ones are kids NOBODY in the world wants. Don't think for a minute that won't twist a kid's value/self esteem 180 degrees.
The 12yr old we got to know during our stay there, that sweet pretty kid smokes. There is no supervision outside the buildings. I can't imagine what the 16 yr olds have seen/done.
These are the very ones Marina will hang with. How long can she last in the mist of their behaviors, attitudes, habits, and lusts?
Fran is purchasing a flight to come home.
Welcome to Ukrainian darkness, may I help you?

Pappa

Amazing Journey

My plan was to leave Berdyansk at 4:00 on Wednesday afternoon and head out to Zaporizhia, (I still haven't got the spelling to that one yet so I will call it Zap). I am tired of putting out the money and have been in this country long enough that it is time to do what Ukrainians do when they want to go to Zap, they hop on the Masuka(big 18 passenger van). I have been looking at these vehicles for 2 months, I even know how to act when I get on them, look out the window and don't smile. I can do this! We take off, and I have no idea what will take place on the other end. I don't know how to speak Russian, so what do I do when I get off the bus? I have a dual purpose in going to Zap, one is to have a paper signed that the lawyer typed up for Marina and the other is to meet Nancy to visit and plan a mission trip that is in the makings for this summer in Orphanage #3 in Zap. Everytime Nancy and I talk on the phone, we have no clear picture of how we are going to get together or what is going to happen on the other end. We only know that she has spent 2 amazing days in Kherson with the Agape team and they have set us up with a pastor in Zap to spend Wednesday night. Who, how and when are all good questions, but we have no answers until...it happens. I get off the bus and call Nancy. Her driver doesn't even know if they are in Zap or not. He is not familiar with Zap. They are to pick up a person, Olea, that will guide them to the pastor's house and hopefully to me. He has no clue where the bus station is and how long it will be before they can get to me. It is not like a bus station in America, it is dark and uncomfortable. I am not going to hang out there so I have to make a plan fast. I got it... There is one thing I know about Zap that will put Nancy and I together because everyone in Zap knows the same thing. Zap. has MacDonalds and only one MacDonalds!!! Everyone loves Zap MacDonalds and at this moment in my life, I do too. I jump into an Ukrainian taxi and tell the driver, MacDonald palshoota(please) and 10 minutes later, I am at the golden arches in Zap for the first time in my life. Pretty nice place, it looks very American. Nancy and I have planned to meet there, I arrive at 7:15 and she arrives at 8:45. It seem like hours and hours and hours. She ran out of minutes on her phone, so I lost contact with her. The only communication we have now is our Heavenly Father, prayer and more prayer. I had a chi (tea) inside, then decided to wait outside due to the extremely loud music inside. Watching what was going on outside was similar to watching an x rated movie. It was hard to believe the immorality that was going on in public. My heart was grieving for these people, how terribly sad. I did make a friend, out of the blue this black mix lab comes over and sits by me. Is this an angel? He stayed there for at least a half hour and 5 minutes after it leaves I hear, Fran, Fran is that you? Yeah...Nancy!

We do end up at the pastor's house, an wonderful family in a beautiful home. The pastor and his wife rolled out the red carpet for us. Nancy speaks little Russian, the 14 year old boy spoke little English and we would able to have a nice evening together. There were 4 children, one a tiny baby. What a breath of fresh air for me.

In the morning we were feed, showered, and off to meet our goals. We visited the orphanage and had lunch there and then set out to get this document signed. No easy task, I should have figured. We were sent all over the place looking for one lady. This was all done by cell phones, text messages, translators, and Olea, a person that gets the job done. Amazing! The paper is signed. We have just done what I call the Ukrainian blast. It just spins my head around to see the speed and confusion that happens when a document in Ukraine has to get signed.

Time to regroup. Nancy is getting on a train to start her journey home to the states. I am catching a Masuka to return to Berdyansk. We have met a some new friends. Olea (part of Agape in Zap), and Karla (a translator), both are true servants of the Lord. Before we part Olea announces we are going to MacDonalds! Isn't that the perfect ending to this day, I just love the Lord.

How have I seen the Lord in the last 24 hours? At 1:00 Wed. afternoon, my lawyer and I are talking. I walk out to buy a phone card and return to find another man has joined us. This man personally know the Minister of Sports, Family, and Youth. The very person that we need to talk to. When I left for the phone card we were discussing how we could ever get this person to talk to us! At 4:00 I am on the bus to Zap. Up until this moment, I wasn't sure if this is what God would have me to do. I was back and forth with Nancy, not knowing if I would be there or in Berdyansk. The answer came, I had to have this paper signed. I had angels all around me the whole time, I could tell by the peace I was feeling. All the dots connected at the end of the day, Nancy and I got together. We met an incredible servant, Olea, who spends her young life of 23 years old, teaching orphan children about God and giving them self worth by knowing how much God loves them and how special they are in the eyes of God. I returned to Hotel Berdyansk by the end of the evening on Thursday with enough time and energy to blog my journey and review how great God is.

Friday we meet Galina, the orphanage director. I do not expect her to say yes, but it is in God's hands. I know that I have done all that I can do, Rick and I have battled because our love for Marina is so deep. That is the most obvious place to see God, is the love He gave us for this precious young girl, how honored I am that God choice us to give that love to.
It is 10:30 p.m. on Thursday night and I am sitting at the internet cafe with tears streaming down my face, bathing in God's love. That is how I have seen God working in my life the last 24 hours.

New breath of life

It’s not an easy thing to do- put your wife on a plane and send her out on a mission alone. The objective is to rescue a 14 yr old girl we have bonded with 5000 miles away, in a land where populations were mass murdered to force conformity to communist ways. The plan is there, and people say they’re with you. Promises, assurances, schedules are organized, categorized, and agonized. Green lights "appear" from the fogginess of uncertainty- then she’s gone.
Fran’s "lifelines" are phone cards and e-mail. We communicate every day. There is no guarantee the plan will work, only the hope that we are being led to complete the good works that is in store for Marina. HE knows, and we know it.
Personally, I’m whipped. I have been in a state of grieving since jan.16, when we left Marina. I tend to shy away from crowds, seek solitude, and run on 1/3 the energy. Work is somewhat of a escape- I’m present- but I’m not there, really.
When I was asked to consider adoption, the question did not originate from my wife. Yes it came through her, but not from her. The question came from above. And the focus was NOT adoption. HE was asking Rick Rahn if I could trust HIM.with my most treasured pocession- my heart. If I could trust HIM, I was to lay it upon the alter and walk away. He would own it from here on.
I must say there were "conditions". 1- GOD, that your will always be my will ( so I’ll never be disappointed) and 2- YOU never leave me.( I’m coward)
So it goes. Now we are here, at this point. Fran has given her all, now she waits for the attorney.
Here’s the update...
They meet downstairs for tea. Fran orders our attorney lunch while he reviews the info/game plan concerning the orphanage director. During this conversation our attorney recognizes a person there also. They greet each other and quickly discover this man KNOWS officials who can help us! Seems he knows them SO WELL that connections can be made immediately to move Marina on her way. New plans are formed right on the spot, and their appointment w/orphanage director is put off for today..
Fran jumps at the new found opportunity, and now she is in another part of Ukraine. If this works, (pray!) we have a very good chance @ Marina coming home. This may be all that is needed for Marina’s release from the orphanage. We expect to have that appointment w/ the director by friday.
As it now stands, Fran is expecting to come home this Sunday. Marina, if approved will come in 3-4wks. I’ll have to go out there to pick her up and bring her home.
Today someone asked me how it’s going. After a brief answer, their response was, "You sure must have strong desires to nurture and raise kids!"
No, we don’t. Actually, I was drafting up a 12year "exit strategy" when these two kids surfaced. Never had that nurturing sensation. So I hope the next time you see us w/these kids that you see HIM who is in us. He’s easy to discover- look for the spring in my step, smile cracks on my face, the sparkle in my eyes.
"He’s here", my soul testifies. And he’s been here the whole time....
Blessings,
Pappa

Can't Connect the Dots

I have been in Berdyansk for 7 days and I have gotten no where. I came here, as many of you know, to take Marina home as a foreign exchange student. When we left Berdyansk in January with Yana and left Marina in the arms of the orphanage director crying, the director asked us to look at taking Marina as a foreign exchange student. After a 2 hour battle with the director of the SDA, with Lawyer in hand, the director says, why don't you take her as a foreign exchange student. We get to the U.S. Embassy and they tell us to take her as a foreign exchange student. They assured us that it has been done, rarely, but there were cases that orphan children went as foreign exchange students. The embassy gives us a list of what to do and what we need. We venture home with hope of having Marina home with us within 2 months. Everything we need falls into place perfectly. We use our contacts in Berdyansk to help us with the passport to make this all happen and we get resistance from the director of the orphanage. We continue on thinking that we can overcome this by being here personally and talking to her. That is why I am here. A simple task has turned into another Ukrainian nightmare.

First, I arrive at the orphanage with less then an hour sleep in 2 days. My lawyer announces that she is only staying in Berdyansk for the day and is leaving that night. Our agreement was that she would stay for 2 days. That put me at the orphanage a day before I was prepared to go. The Lawyer shows up totally unprepared to present a case. We arrive at the orphanage, un-
known to us, 1 hour after the police and the inspectors had been there, because someone filed an abuse charge against the orphanage. We did not find this out until the next day. I am sitting infront of the director who is stressed, and upset. She is saying things that totally catch me off guard. I went back to the motel so upset, defeated, angry, hurt, and needless to say tired. I went to bed at 6:30 p.m., woke up at 2:00 a.m. and prayed and petitioned God. I went back to sleep and woke up fresh the next day. I decided to pick up Marina for the weekend and deal with everything on Monday. When I went to ask permission to have Marina, the director was as sweet as can be and says that she wants me to take Marina home on a student visa, I just have to show her how it is done.

I start making calls. On Monday the answers start to come in. I hire a new local lawyer here in Berdyansk, he is sharp and knows his people. We put all the pieces together. The SDA says, they are not in business of student exchange, they are in business of adoption, call the ministry of education. We call them, we call the embassy. The embassy says the privacy act prevents them from giving out information. After two days of chancing a dream there are lots of dots, but they do not connect. There is no law that says an orphan child can not be adopted. In fact the law says that an orphan child is a citizen of Ukraine and has the same rights as any other citizen. There is nothing in writting that an orphan child can go. There is in writting that an orphan child can get a visa for medical reasons and the orphan child can have a travel visa, but nothing written about student visa. No one is saying no, no one is willing to take responsibility. That puts all responsibility on the director of the orphanage. Her fear is the government coming in and removing her from her job. Wow.

I have spent hours with the Lord, praying, reading scripture, and crying. I don't see what He is seeing. I look at God and I have peace, I look out my window on the 11th floor of the Berdyansk Hotel and I become over whelmed with fear. Marina is old enough now to have alot of liberties at the orphanage. She has watched all her friends be adopted, her friends now are hardened girls. I won't go into detail on what I see that is influencing her, because I fill up with fear. I know that God sees all of this and more. I know that His love for Marina is far greater then I could ever love her. I reviewed scripture that ease fear, worry, grace, mercy, love. orphans, care, miracles, mountains, valleys, and praise. I am numb. In one hour I go back to the orphanage with the lawyer and he will try to convince the director to let Marina go to the United States with me for 11 months. I am hopeless.

I heard God say one thing, I heard two things;
you, O God, are strong
you, O Lord, are loving.

Thank you for your prayers. I never have needed them more then right now.

21/2 Wonderful Days!!!!

What is the best medicine for frustration?.......Marina. Maybe someday Marina will be my frustration, but for now, she is the best cure for the blues that Mama can have. We have had the best time just being together. The longer we are together the better it is getting. It has been good for her too. We have spent most of our time hugging each other, talking, walking, laughing, and doing word puzzles.

When I arrived on Thursday, I knew that Marina needed time away from the orphanage. She was angry, hurt, and put a wall between her and God. If I even mentioned God, she would just turn her head. As time went on, the girl we left here returned. She went to church today and seems to enjoy the service. Up to today, when we would pray, I would get a limp hand. Today, I got a firm grip. She told me today if she ever gets out of Ukraine she is never coming back. Of course she would have to so that I can adopt her, but I am not going to tell her that right now. She is very guarded about the student visa program. She understands, but is not getting too excited about it.

Nancy and I will go seperate ways tomorrow. She will go on to Kherson and I will stay in Berdyansk. I am waiting on the Lord to help me with the next step. Marina say, Mama, you pick me up after school tomorrow? My answer, I don't know. She doesn't understand the whole picture and there is a language barrier. I will do what ever I can to make this happen, so I will travel whenever I need to and try to explain everything to her later.

I miss Rick and Yana, and so often we sit at the same tables as when there were the 4 of us. We always point to where Rick would sit and where Yana would sit and wish they were with us. Next year, February 2009, we will all do this again. I only wish that this would happen just once in the summer. Maybe winter is better. People where clothes in the winter. Last summer a lady from Italy was asked to wear clothes in the open market, she had nothing on. They had to pass an ordinance that you must wear clothes in the downtown area. I know that will never happen in this cold weather!

I appreciate the comments and prayers. Please pray that the Lord will give me wisdom for the next move. I am not sure if anything can be done on this end or if it is time to go to Kiev. I just pray that I will know what to do when I wake up in the morning. Marina will go back to school at 7:45 a.m. I have one week to make a difference. I feel pretty small and powerless right now. I know that is the best place to be. When I am weak, I step aside and let the power of God do the work. I know I can't but he can. Tomorrow is a good day to find out what He can do, because I have no plan.

Back in Paradise

A quick e-mail to let you all know that life is better after sleep and food. The circumstances haven't really changed too much, but the attitude is better. I am back in Berdyansk and the sun is shinning. It was in the low 40's, a heat wave compared to December and January. Everyone is doing a double take at me, they remember me but they aren't sure it is me without Rick at my side. We are staying at hotel Berdyansk on the 11th floor! For any of you that have been here, I think you understand, I love the view but the elevator ride is alittle hairy. How often does the elevators get inspected? We even have a bath tub! The toilet doesn't flush, but the bathtub has a hand shower that reaches the toilet so we can fill the tank with that water and flush the toilet. This is probably a God thing. I have Marina with me for the weekend and she thinks Mama can fix anything since she fixed the toilet.

I picked Marina up at 1:00 to spent the weekend with me. We will be together until Monday morning before school. This does make Berdyansk paradise to me. When I saw her yesterday, she was angry, full of hate and feeling rejected. This weekend is a ministry retreat. We are going to talk alot, pray alot, and build self-esteem. The last couple of days, Marina has been hit hard with feelings of rejection. Her younger sister by one year who has been adopted came to the orphanage. Her mama works there. She makes it very well known that she has her freedom. Today we ran into the guardian she had a few years ago, and this women is the reason Marina can't come home with me now. The guardian is a long story, but she never met up to her roll as a guardian. The director said everything bad to Marina that could be said in front of her yesterday. Marina was beside herself. Things are improving fast. She and I are laughing again.

Please pray that doors open for us. Thank you

Berdyansk Blues

Hi all,
Fran, Nancy Hathaway, and our attorney Alina arrived in Berdyansk and picked up Marina for the day. Franny is fatigued- no sleep to speak of in 40+ hours. I thought by veiwing her e-mail to me you would pick up the urgency in specific prayer. We are dealing with a dark country with years of fear and suspicion. Please remember them in your prayers.

Rick


Hi Rick and Yana,How are you doing. Are there spit balls all over the house. Are you eating more then hot dogs. I have not visited Yana's friends yet, I will tomorrow. I love you Papa and Yana.Things are not looking good for Marina. Galina has denied ever telling us to do a student visa. She said she made a contact with the minister of education and he said absolutely not. I haven't been able to get through to the embassy. Marina is very sad, she doesn't like Galina. She has a give up attitude. Galina stated a case that Marina is a bad girl and would be to much to handle. This was in front of Marina. Yesterday Marina's adopted sister came to the internet. just another reminder of what a bad rap she is getting. Galina also said in front of Marina, that Marina is not a good student, she does not do good. We had a come back for everything, so she said she was going to call the minister of education, go away while I have lunch and I will let you know what they say. Of course you know what she was going to say he said and she did. I have to figure out how to find the truth. I e-mail Mike at the embassy, I can't get through by phone. Alina said she might have time to see the ministry of education. I am tired and feeling hopeless. I feel defeated. Do you have any encouragement? I look forward to your e-mail. Good to talk today.I love you,Fran

Burning the Bridges

When I started this journey, I thought that I would go to the Ukraine and get 2 daughters, then return to life in America. I knew that it was going to be a change, after all 2 teenage girls with a different language living in my home that was definately going to be a change. I was mentally ready for that. I thought 2 months leave of absense was plenty of time to make the changes, adjustments, and then move on. I never dreamed that my life would change this much. I have one wonderful daughter, Yana and I am battling another country for my other daughter. My leave of absense became 3 months, but the battle continued on. My 3 months leave is over and I am on my way back to the Ukraine. Major change, I had to leave my job! That was never part of my plan and today when I walked out of Chambrel, leaving behind the last 10 years of my life, I was once again broken. Chambrel is a senior living community filled with some of the best people in the whole world. They have become some of my best friends and certainly the people I have the most respect for. I know that I have grown in so many ways because of the great people that live at Chambrel. I will also have to say that I think I have become an expert on growing old too. Who ever thought that I would be going back to the Ukraine one month and 6 days after I left the Ukraine. This is a journey and it is God's journey. This summer I am going to get on all the roller coasters at Busch Garden to see if any of them come close to the highs and lows that I have had these last 3 months. I am an emotional roller coaster. I left Chambrel and drive home to find an e-mail from Marina. " Mama, I am okay, I don't have time to write I have an English test and have to study. I love you, Marina. " The low becomes a high and my feet hit the ground running to prepare for the next leg of my journey. God never leaves me in the lows too long. I can't stay in the lows too long, Yana is an absolute clown. She never fails to give us at least one good belly laugh a day, most of the time it is two or three.

One week from today I will set out to the Ukraine. I look forward to seeing the people we left behind, the orphan children (especially Yana's friends) and especially Marina, the wonderful people at the church and many others. I don't think I am looking forward to the cold. It is getting pretty nice here in Virginia. The cold weather in Berdyansk is a small price to pay to go back and see Marina. I can't wait to see the turns and twist that this leg of the journey are going to take. Whatever they are I know that this is all God's plan, I am just the instrument that He is using to accomplish His will. He is writting the story.
Fran

Good News Arrives

I could have written this at 2:30 a.m. because I was sitting at the computer rejoicing and wanted to tell someone, but I decided to go back to bed and wake Rick up and tell him instead. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and could not go back to sleep (alot of those night lately). I was really beginning to believe that we would have to have Marina go to court to fight for her registration rights. Everyday that slips by is vital in our eyes and in hers too. I was beginning to see a child behind bars imprisioned for other people's mistakes and not being able to get out. Everyday for months we have prayed for her to be registered, it all started in September 2007. This of course is the re-registration, the one that gets recorded at the SDA office. Rick and I began to grieve this. It was taking every ounce of energy to make it through this last week. Is it possible that the system will totally fail her and she will not get registered? It is nothing for the SDA to say they lost the records and the process would start all over.

Today, by e-mail we got word from Alina, the lawyer in Kyiv, that Marina is registered!!!!!!
That is so much pressure off of us, even though it is not the miracle we are looking for, it is a victory that was worth fighting for. I think of the many times that people told us to just move on, get another child, don't worry, and many other little slogans that reduced this child down to one of the stray dogs that live on the streets of Berdyansk. Just choose another one. When God puts a child on your heart to adopt, He makes it personal. He has given us a love for Yana and Marina that is so special. I marvel at this love, because it is not natural to have towards children that are not biologically your especially in such a short time. It is God's love and it can only come from Him and Him alone.

Today we rejoice in this victory, but we are still on our knees asking for a miracle. The ultimate would be to get an appointment with the SDA office to adopt Marina before March 5th. That is when our homestudy expires and we would have to get a new one with updates. Our daughter would be with us forever, and the adoption would be behind us. This is God's journey and the miracle is His. We will pray and know that He is God. He answered a very important prayer for us immediately last night, He showed us that we are in His will and obeying His directions. That was a great affirmation at a time of extreme weakness. He reveals Himself personally just at the right time. Wow, what a journey, who would have guessed that our journey would be so bumpy. I know one person that did, it was no surprise to Him that it would be. One year ago in February I met Marina and knew that I loved her enough to adopt her. One year ago, God introduced me to Marina, gave me a heart for her, and knew that my life was about to change, it would go through some of the darkest spiritual times I have ever had and yet I would draw closer to Him because there was no where else to go. I look forward to the end of the journey, when Marina is home and I can say, this was worth the ride. Right now, I just thank God that He does care and He is traveling the journey with me.
Fran

Headed Back

Today I will be booking a flight back to Ukraine, this time Rick will play mama, papa and friend to Yana, while I am in the Ukraine. Things will never move along for Marina, unless there are forces helping them to move. God is using this trip for more then one purpose. Nancy Hathaway, president of "Heart for Orphans" will travel with me. The organization wants to open group homes in Ukraine for aging out orphans. Nancy has adopted 3 children from the Berdyansk orphanage. It is amazing what God is doing. More and more players get into this heart that God has for the orphans. God moves the players at just the right time and unfolds His plans right at the time that He gives us eyes to see and ears to hear. Nothing in life is for not...there is purpose for everything. As painful as it is for me to not have Marina in our home, I know that God has a plan and it includes her.

We will leave to the Ukraine on Feb. 26th, arrive in Kyiv on the 27th, before noon. We will take the evening train to Berdyansk. We will be in Berdyansk at 10:00 on Thursday morning. We will get to Berdyansk with our feet running. For me, the first and most important issue of course is Marina. I hope you have never stopped praying for a miracle, I still do every day, and night. I know that the plan did not work out according to my perfect will, but my will has never been too perfect anyway. It is His will that I am seeking. I don't want to misdirect you, I have gone through my anger about all this, but at the end of my anger, I truely want God's perfect will in this adoption of Marina. He sees the whole picture, I see what is in front of my eyes.

Marina writes by e-mail almost everyday. Yesterday she said she really wants us as her mama and papa. I think she actually said papa first. What she can't see is that we are her Mama and Papa, God gave us the heart to be that. We think of Marina as our daughter, we have adopted two, we are just not allowed to bring the other one home yet. It sure has helped me understand the pain that God had when He gave his only Son to die for us, even though He knew that He would bring His son home.

Please pray for this trip, for a miracle for Marina, for the "Heart for Orphans" to see God's perfect will, and that the people behind the organization will have the courage and strength to carry out His will in unity. I can't even begin to imagine the spiritual battle field that is infront of opening up group homes and helping large numbers of children be victorious. I can just hear it now, "This is law, this is not the right form, and you need the blue stamp". When we have the ribbon cutting ceremony and pray a blessing on the first Group Home that Heart for Orphans opens up, I will personally invite you to the celebration. I promise you there will be dancing in the streets, to the joyous song, "Our God Reigns".
Fran

No News is Bad News

We talked to the Lawyer in Kyiv this past Saturday, Marina is still not registered. Maybe this is good, maybe they will find a way to let her be adopted now. Please don't stop praying for a miracle, this little girls wants to come home so bad. We are trying to call her weekly, we e-mail her everyday. Yana is such a joy, I can't wait to experience our full joy in both children. We have had some very low valleys in the last couple of days. There is nothing that would please satin more then to divide Rick and I. The last 2 days he has tried hard. This morning we were set free from it. The flesh is always trying control the situation, I know that God is in control and it is His journey. There are miracles taking place daily. Yana's love for Marina has grown. Her bedroom door is covered with pictures of Marina. Her room is prepared for Marina. Her heart has soften towards Marina, she tells her she loves her when they talk. One day our family will be complete. Thank you all for the prayers, please don't stop, I do believe our miracle will happen!

Fran

Yana is Adjusting

TGIF-thank God it is Friday-
I am sure that is how Yana feels after one week of school. I don't say that because of the stress of going to school, it is because getting up at 6 a.m. is not her lifestyle. She is adjusting to the "Big School" environment very well. The first day of school was not the hardest, the second day of school, when all the girls in her art class wanted to include her and be friendly to her, then it really was hard. She was o.k. being ignored, then no one knows she hasn't a clue what you are saying. That day she wanted to pull out of art class. I found out that the girls were trying to include her and it was too awkward for her. The third day, it didn't seem too bad, she started pointing out people she met and those in her class. The fourth day was great. She came bouncing out of school with a big smile on her face. I asked her if she was still in art class, the answer, yes. Do you like it, the answer is --yes. She told me that things are getting easier and she still liked the big school. I admire her strength, wow what courage. She said she can understand English alittle better. The icing on the cake was the e-mail from Marina. She wrote that she doesn't think she will ever learn English. Marina speaks and reads English a little better then Yana, but to structure a sentence...that is hard for Americans. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement to Yana, she is getting there.

Marina is doing good. She is strong also. She is starting to trust that we will be back for her. We e-mail her daily and call her once a week. She is a part of the family. Yana is anxiously waiting for Marina too. That is a God thing, He has worked on hearts that is for sure.

Don't call Yana too early on Saturday morning, she is going to crawl under the blankets and sleep, sleep and sleep.
Fran

1st Day at School

January 28th, a day that Yana will never forget, the first day of school in America. She is enrolled in Lafayettel High School in Williamsburg. This is Yana's pick of schools. We visited 4 school, one ended up not in our district. She had a choice between private or public. Yana being 15 years old and so far a very level headed child that has shown good discernment, we wanted her to have say in the school. She really wanted this big (huge in my eyes) with lots of students to be her school. As you can see she looks like a cute American teenager. Sunday evening Yana was all silly, full of nervous laughing. She ended the evening curled up by my side, waiting for mama and papa to pray for her and her first day at school. The next morning fear was written all over her, but she was strong and couragious as we ventured out. We got to the school driveway and all she could say is "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh" The next sentence, "Mama, no school, please no school". We walked into the school with the same courage that she had left the security of her own home. I was so proud of her and so scared for her. The first thing she said when she got into the car after school, "No school tomorrow, mama".

Marina is being tutored in English, and doing very well. She will have less trauma then Yana has had. I wish I had known about my angels in Berdyansk before we arrived for Yana. It would have really helped her. There is no new news with Marina, but please don't stop praying for a miracle. We have gone through every emotion possible, but in the end we are asking God to give us peace about His will, there is no peace. We are struggling, we really want harmony with His will and His peace. The peace has not come. We are believing for a miracle until that peace comes in whatever why He wants to deliver it. In the mean time the family that is together is blending well and longs for the other member to join us. Yana can't wait till Marina comes. In our eyes it seems like the perfect time to go get her!

Blessings to all,

Fran