Reflections of the Past

After a very difficult afternoon with Marina, and a translator, Marina is booked to return to Ukraine on July 14th. Pain always creates a season of reflections in me and I am reflecting. I see so much of me in Marina when I was 15 years old. At that time I didn't know God in a personal way. Having popular children like me was so important. I was easily steered into the wrong path just to be accepted. Most of all rejecting the people that loved me the most and wanted the best for me. When the family took a vacation I didn't want to go because I would miss what my friends were doing. The moment in time was the most precious moment, there was no future, it was all about now and all about me. I see all of that in Marina. Maybe that is why God put her on my heart. Maybe that is why he chose me to pour His love into my heart and I was to pour it out to her.

My mother had two sayings, that she said to me in my rebellious years. One was, "What goes around, comes around", and "You will get back what you dish out". Those two sayings have stuck in my head all these years, I can still picture my mother saying them. Since I never had biological children, I thought that I got off the hook. There are times when I would reflect about my mother and think, with a grin, I didn't have to pay that aweful price. On July 8th I got alittle taste of the horrible rejection that would come around some day. It came from a person I love and invested in to give a future to. Is she running from me, no she running from us, no, she is running back to what is familiar. Did she stop loving us, no, she continues to tell us how much she loves us. The window of opportunity closed to adopting Marina in January when we left her behind. Her frame of mind changed and her friends changed. She joined up with the children that could not be adopted and bad mouthed America and moving away from the Ukraine. She bought into the lies that life in Ukraine was better then life in America. It even goes one step beyond, family is restricting and is no fun. That is what life is all about to most 15 year olds, especially if they have spent 10 years in an orphanage.

The translator was an angel sent from above. She was 19 years old, beautiful and full of compassion. She was gentle with both sides. She was from the Ukraine and was studing in University out there. She seemed to be full of hope and focused on the future. She had lived in America at one time of her life and was hopeful that the door of opportunity would again open for her to come back and study here. After translating to Marina she asked me permission to speak with her about her experience. I granted permission, but since it was in Russian I had no idea what was said.

Later that afternoon I got a call from the person that this young lady was staying with. I found out her story. She was brought up in an orphanage, a social orphan. Her mother worked on a cruise ship and left her children to be cared for in an orphanage. She has a brother that is still in the orphanage. This young lady was brought over on a host program. She studied in America for 3 years, 6,7, and 8th grade. She wanted to return to Ukraine. The family that hosted her tried to talk her into staying, willing to pay for the private school education. They told her that life would be hard in Ukraine and opportunity limited. She could accomplish so much more in America and the family would help her. She even told Marina that the family wanted to adopt her and would go talk to her mother to ask permission. She said no and went back to the Ukraine. The family was right, she has had it very hard. She is extremely intellegent, she is the second top grade person in the university. She has to earn her own money while she is schooling. She is on her own, there is no family behind her. Her desire in life is to be in America where there is so much more opportunity. The young lady did bring something back from America at a young age and that was her personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It has been the focus of her life and the faith that moves her forward. There is a family that is trying to bring her back to America to study. A very difficult task for a young women that is 19 and has no family ties, an life long orphan.

In times of reflecting Rick has pointed out that he sees how disappointed God must feel in us when we turn from Him and follow our own path. When His will is not followed but we make things happen our own way. I know that if Marina calls out to the Father in Heaven He will be there for her. I am hoping that the time that Marina has spent with Rick and I will be the foundation for her to reach out to God when in need of a friend, a family, a comforter. Marina's life is going to get hard, I believe as soon as she gets back. I believe that she will go to a trade school immediately. The comfort and security of the orphanage will be gone. Her friend that she thinks is so important is staying at the orphanage. I highly doubt that she will be there for Marina when she gets home anyway. Her goal to block the adoption was accomplished, Marina is emotionally too immature for her liking. Her friends own hurt from a failed adoption will be the influence that Marina has choosen to follow. Ooh that hurts, even though God knows all this and He knew that this adoption would not happen.

We have 4 days to go before we bring Marina back to the airport. Our goal is for her to see Jesus more in us then ever before. To see Him with His arms stretched out wide with the love that He had for us that put nails into His hands. I remember asking my mother when I was in my late 30's why she put up with me when I was so rebellious. My parents had such unconditional love that revealed their faith as I grew older. My mother responded without a skip in the beat, "What, and give up my harvest?" I don't know that I will see my harvest on earth, but either did the major patriarchs in the bible. I pray that some day I will see my harvest in heaven and she will be dancing among the saints and we will be able to dance with her. The sadness will be gone and we can rejoice that we are a family.

Is the journey over? No, there is more to come. For now I will take time to heal. God is doing a great work in me and when it is over I hope that the sadness I feel will turn to be a "Glorious wounding" for the orphans that are all over this world that God cares about. I pray that the fire that was burning in me before the hurt will return to give my energy to help other orphans find the Christ that is their true hope.

Fran