The Amazing Pan

Koyla and Mama are home with Papa and today our daughter, Yana, will join us after her own weeks vacation in Florida. We will be a family of four on our own turf, for the first time. We are praying the adjustment will go as well as the adoption. Koyla has adjusted well to having a mama and papa, now for the time to adjust to having a older, wiser, sister. Yana on the other hand needs to adjust to sharing what was all hers! Sounds like a real family to me.

I was going through our trip pictures to put a group of pictures together for Koyla's bedroom and came across this picture, which is one of several that I had taken at Grandpa's house. What a great picture to express adoption. Grandpa had a dog that had 2 puppies and a cat that had 2 kittens. The dog wanted no part of mothering her puppies ( in all fairness, the dog was tiny and her puppies are big). The puppies were hungry and they went over to the cat and she very lovingly rolled to her side and fed the puppies her milk. The puppy at one time got a little rough with her and she gave him a good hard bite on the head and the puppy settled down and the feeding continued. This picture captures how God planned for our adoption into the kingdom of heaven. We are not by rights part of His royal family, yet through the sacrifice of Jesus, He took us in as royal blood. If we accept Him, He no longer sees our difference. These little puppies accepted this cat and the cat no longer saw them as different. What a great example to raise our family that has been blended together by God. We are all coming together with differences and uniting to be one family. I pray that the unity that existed at Grandpa's house will exist in this family as well. The base root will be the acceptance. It did go well in Berdyansk, so I think we are on a good path.

We have not yet been home a week and a lot has been accomplished. To bring Koyla in to the house we had to add a bedroom, literally putting up walls. We had hoped to accomplish this before we left, but with a nine day notice for the adoption we didn't get it done. To make the extra bedroom, the whole house has to change. The whole house has been uprooted this week. The first couple of days, mama didn't do to well with the confusion and mess. I have to say that I was overwhelmed by jetlag, messes, new child, and the transition back to America. On top of that I had to start the process of registering Koyla for school immediately so that he could take advantage of summer ESL classes. I wasn't going to put him into summer ESL, but the situation is perfect for him to get introduced to school in a very non-threating situation. Yana will be on the same bus as he will be and there are 6 children in the class total. When I took Koyla to the school on Thursday of last week, he was so sad. Later he communicated that he thought I was leaving him there. When he discovered that I went there to just blah, blah, blah with the people and that he got to go back home, he gave me the biggest hug a mama could get! The routine will be great for Koyla and mama needs some time to get the house in order. Summer school is out at the end of July and I will be more organized by then, I hope.

Everyday has been an incredible adventure for Koyla and for us. Everything is new. Everyday Koyla is getting younger, he has totally shed any toughness that comes from orphanage living. He is experiencing childhood and all the excitement that goes with it. It is so refreshing to see him laugh and have such a carefree spirit about him. He was so serious in Ukraine, forced to grow up beyond his years. He is so free to be Koyla. Koyla is a precious free spirit. He loves the outdoors, especially bicycling. He is experiencing life to the fullest. The plan to have Yana on vacation worked very well. Koyla has attached to mama and papa, giving Yana the freedom to be a sister and not the mother to Koyla. I want Yana to have her time and space also. She is quickly approaching 17 years old, I don't want to cut her teen years short, she has thrived since she has been here.

At the end of every blog writing, I have to sit back and praise God for the work He has done in me. The first adoption was hard and brought me closer to Him, right where I should have been in the first place. It taught me lessons in obedience inspite of circumstances. It demonstrated that He is God, not my servant that answers my plan, but I am to follow His plan, for it is the best plan. My second adoption strengthened my faith. This will be a pivital point in my faith walk. He did have a better plan, one that brought together a brother and sister. He knew what was good for us and was watching out for us through the journey. I thank you God for forcing your hand when I was trying to push yours. It reminds me of Koyla, when he thinks he knows what is the right thing to do, but I have the advantage of reading English and know the right thing to do. He tries to force me in his direction and I have to force him in my direction. I often get a sad looking face as I am forcing him my way, but when he sees the end is the right way he gets so excited, he says "tank goo" in his sweet broken English. The more often this happens the less he is resisting me because he is trusting me more and more. The lessons of faith taught by an innocent child.

Amazing grace how sweet God is to put me on this journey. Is it over????? Who knows, when I am in the mist of the adoptions, I think this body is getting old, when things settle down, it feels good to be young. God has a plan and I am on a ride. I trust the journey more then I ever have. Where He takes me (us) from here I do not know, but look forward to the following chapters as they unfold.

Fran

I Am Coming Home

Friday morning, we take a walk to the market to have Koyla's new jeans shortened (good deal, $2.50 to shorten jeans). I knew this boy needed a boy adventure, so we took a short cut home. This was what I would call a Rahn short cut, not my type of short cut, I am too caution for this type of short cut. I knew that I had to do a "Rahn" short cut to keep Koyla from bordem. We walk up this old set of stars, until there are no stairs and then we climb to the top of a hill on rock/dirt then climb over a wall to make it to a normal sidewalk. Koyla loved it. I really made points on that one!

We get to our apartment and I start cleaning and slowly packing, sorting what I will take and what to leave for the apartment, when the call comes in, be ready in 20 minutes we got the passport and we have to be at the passport office before they close at 5:00. Koyla and I start throwing things into bags including a powdered cremer container whose lid was not on right. The powder came pouring out into my suitcase and on to the floor. We quickly get the vacuum cleaner to clean our mess when our friend Don comes to say good bye and Betsy and Jim to get the key and Victor. Koyla thought this excitement was great. He was ready to move on. We got into the car and I discover that I don't have the phone. Victor calls my number and we discover the phone is in the trunk. That is what happens when all of the sudden you have to throw things into your bags, they make it into the wrong bag. We grab the phone and off we go to Tokmak to say our final good bye.

Grandpa and Koyla both did really well. Grandpa asked if he could be alone with Koyla in the house for 5 minutes. He must of given Koyla some encouragement because he came out pretty happy. I had Koyla run around the house taking pictures and I used the time to talk with Grandpa. He did express that he was happy for Koyla and that he was happy with Rick and I. He said his heart hurt. The good byes were full of hugs and kisses and off we went. I gave Koyla some space and he just stared out the window. After about 10 minutes I gave him the "thumbs up" and he smiled and moved next to me in the car. He is ready for this new step in his life. We arrived at the passport office at 4:35 and were ready to grab a bite to eat by 4:45. After our meal we went to the train station to get our tickets. We waited a little over 90 minutes for the train, but that gave Koyla time to climb and jump so when he got in the train, he was ready to sit. This is the first time he has ever traveled so the train was exciting. He spent most of his night watching out the window and I spent most of my night watching him. He is one little independant boy in a tiny little body.

We arrived in Kiev on Saturday at 6:00 a.m. and we were in our apartment by 6:30 a.m. We were down the hill and in Victory Square by 6:45 a.m. Koyla was too excited to rest. We ran around taking pictures until MacDonalds opened at 8:00 a.m. and ate the first of our 3 MacDonalds meals for Saturday. He has never been to MacDonalds but he has seen them on TV.
The rest of the day was low key and rest. On Sunday I got up early and outlined our day, in Russian and in English. When Koyla got up at 10:00 we followed the plan, it went well. We started with church in the apartment. We watched a DVD about Jesus on my laptop. We studied our English, money is the best part of our English study for Koyla, then we went for lunch, and he got a couple hours to play video games on the laptop. After game time we headed to the maket place and spent a couple hours at the outdoor market, our final stop a grocery store and then back to the apartment. After that, the structure was over, so we had a pillow fight, played tic tac toe, tarts, wrestled, and ate our evening meal (Koyla's meal continued for the rest of the night). I knew that Monday would be busy so I gave him a little more game time and we went to bed.

Today was the busy day, we got his physical, and went to the Embassy to get his Visa. From there we had to get tickets to fly home on Tuesday, June 23rd, exactly one month from the day we arrived in Kiev.

Thank you God for your grace. You have given me such peace during this time, a very sweet time in my life. Thank you all for the prayers and the contacts, what a great encouragement for the family to have people lifting us up. We do have one more possible obstical, Koyla's visa. It has to be ready by 9:00 a.m. Tuesday morning so that we can leave on our flight home at 1:00. Victor and our driver pick us up at 8:00 a.m. and that will be the start of one longggggg day. When we arrive in Virginia, Yana will be in Florida. This will be Koyla's week with mama and papa. When she comes home, we hope Koyla will be ready to be a brother to Yana and not lean too much on her.

What a Journey!
Fran

Good-bye Luda

I thought Monday was hard, saying our good-byes to all the children. We had to go back to the orphanage today and sign the release papers. It was really perfect none of the children were around. We had to wait for the director, she was busy. About 5 minutes into the wait, here comes Luda, she is the sweetest young girl. Since I had to spend my past weekend at the orphanage with Koyla, I got to spend lots of time with Luda. On Monday both Luda and I held back tears when we said good-bye, but today neither of us held back tears. As we were leaving Galina, the director said Luda, maybe Fran will find you a family in America. Luda said "No one will want me". I was thankful that Victor never translated that conversation to me until we were walking to down town Berdyansk. I would have really lost it.

As the day progressed I became a professional at saying "NET". Like most orphans that get adopted, the new idea of money to spend, overwhelms them. It is difficult not to spend money on them when they leave with nothing. You need a few toys so they are not bored, clothes so they smell and look good and we need to entertain ourselves while we wait, therefore like all children, Koyla wants everything we walk by. There are many more nets (no), then dahs(yes). and after every net there is a sad looking face like this child is deprived of everything. Many of the things that Koyla wants he will get when he is in America, but I am not going to carry it home. With the language barrier he thinks he will never own anything. I just rattle away in English that you will have one of those in America and he gives me those sad eyes, he has no clue to what I am saying. By the time Victor joined us, he had stopped asking. The big one today was a life jacket. He wanted me to buy him a life jacket. When we got home Rick had written me an e-mail saying he bought new fishing poles and is getting new canoe racks for the van, now all we need is life jackets and he and Koyla are set to go fishing when he gets home. That is Koyla's number one hobby. He told Victor today that fishing is more important then games!

Today we were to call to find out what day we get Koyla's passport, Saturday or next Tuesday. Another twist in plans, it is probably going to be Friday of this week? There is still a question mark at the end of that sentence though, we have to call Friday morning to find out for sure. Planning is just not something that comes easy when your in Ukraine. Flexibility is always the best policy, even when it cost you lots of money. My vote is still for Saturday. I like Berdyansk arrangements and there is plenty for us to do. Staying at the church apartment is luxury and inexpensive. If we get the passport we will go right to Kiev on the train Friday night instead of Saturday. It is a long trip and the price of the taxi is more then 2 nights in Kiev. I can't even imagine how many times I will have to say "Net" in Kiev. The less time we are there the less nets. Koyla does know the word no, net makes no more firm to me. I like to be firm when I say no.

Koyla's movie is over, so blogging is over too. It's time to play tarts, having a boy is going to be as much fun as having as having our sweet Yana. Thank you God for such a blessing.

Things Keep Getting Better!

Big day today, lots got done, even another trip to Grandpa's house. We were in the taxi at 7:00 a.m. on our way to Tokmak for the birth certificate. Once all the papers were filled out we had a 2 hour wait to get the certificate. That is when we went to Grandpa's house. We all enjoyed the visit to see Grandpa, even our driver seemed pretty relaxed in conversation with grandpa. Things are hard at grandpa's house ,but things seem in harmony there too. The homes in the outter part of Tokmak have city water, but it doesn't go to the house, it goes to a central location for a group of homes and the people have to walk to that location and get water. They have a holding tank on property that can be filled with water, it looks like a well. The central location for the water is right in front of Grandpa's house. That means everyday people have to come in front of his house to get water. It is great company for grandpa. Grandpa is a peaceful man. He has a cat and a dog and they are very peaceful too. Both of the animals just had babies. There are 2 little puppies and 2 little kittens. All of them seem to be about 3 or 4 weeks old. Today the puppies were nursing off the mother cat. She was easy going about it, she just laid back and let them nurse. The mother dog was fine with that arrangement. She came over and licked the mother cat as she nursed her puppies. We all thought that this was funny, Grandpa acting like everything was normal.

Once we got Koyla's birth certificate we drove to a little city Orehov. A pretty little place, less run down than most of Ukraine that I have seen. It was clean and bright. The people seemed more up beat and friendly. In Orehov we got Koyla's social security information changed. Then off to Zaphoryza to get the passport started. The passport officier took us in right away and within no time we were out of there going to the next couple steps it takes to get the passport. We were heading back to Berdyansk by 4:00 and by 7:00, exactly 12 hours from the time we left , we were all very happy to be home. On Wednesday at 3:00 we can call to find out when Koyla's our passport will be done, and we will have a good idea when we will return to the United States! We are hoping to hear that we can return on Saturday to get the passport and continue on to Kiev that night. We will be in Kiev for 3 nights and fly out on Wednesday. If we have to wait then we will return for the passport on Tuesday, since the office is closed on Mondays, and go to Kiev that night. We will probably fly out on Friday if that is the case.

My vote is that the passport be done by Saturday. I still love to get my vote in, but I am very aware that it is all God's timing. After being at Grandpa's house today and seeing how sweet harmony is I can be patient and live in God's harmony. There is no better place to be.

Orphanage Living is Over for Koyla

These are the kids and the caregiver that we said our good-byes to today. They each have had a years worth of impact on Koyla's life some in good ways and some in not such a good way. They all came down from their rooms to send Koyla off on his new journey. Next to the caregiver in the back row is Luda, a young girl that is as sweet as can be. She was busy in the activity room today covering the windows with newspapers and tape so that the windows can be painted. Luda is strong, physically and emotionally. Koyla asked Luda to be in his picture, he respects Luda, she is kind to him. The caregiver made Koyla's leaving exciting and special. She gathered all his belongings and fussed over him, and then she gathered the boys so they would have a picture together. This all happened to Koyla without warning, no time to prepare for this moment. Mom shows up at the door and says, come on Koyla, this is it, the day you leave. I didn't mean for it to happen this way. Victor and I arrived at the orphanage to meet with the director. After talking for about an hour in her office, she said "Take Koyla with you today". This is the same person that told me I could not have Koyla until all his papers were complete and that does not happen until Tuesday and this is Monday. Why the change? Circumstances have changed. The inspectors had told the director on Friday that the children were not to leave the grounds for the weekend. She tried to explain that it was not me, that something was going on. Today she told Victor the whole story. There was a couple from Russian that took a child from one of the orphanages. All orphanages were on alert and the inspectors were to check on the orphanages. They caught the couple in Berdyansk this weekend and they are in jail! Now they are in jail the alert is over. That is why Koyla had to wait until the paper work was complete. Now these people are in jail, the paperwork doesn't have to be so complete. It works for me!

Our 10 day wait after the court hearing is over, and it is time to get Koyla's birth certificate changed. We are going to try to get his passport on the same day and hopefully get us home faster. We will have a long day tomorrow, it will introduce Koyla to traveling.

While talking to the director today I asked questions about Koyla. All her answers were so positive, she thinks very highly of Koyla. My last question, I asked her was for her to tell me something that was not so positive about Koyla, we all have some, what is his. She quickly answered, he is not brave. I wasn't surprised at her answer, I have been watching Koyla at the orphanage all weekend. Koyla will not fight or get aggressive towards others, even when they wrong him. He doesn't like conflict, he avoids it. The director called it not being brave. That is not true about Koyla, he is very brave. He is full of adventure, emotionally he is strong, he is one little brave guy. Walking away from the orphanage today was another brave step. Koyla is a peace maker, not a fighter, I call that brave.

There are over 30,000 children in Ukraine that are eligible for international adoption, there are over 100,000 children living in orphanages in Ukraine. My heart hurts every time I walk out of these orphanages, but Berdyansk Orphanage is especially hard to leave. Some of the children are no longer just faces to me. Tonight I am full of joy to have Koyla laying on the coach watching a video and struggling with the pain of those we said good bye to. Those kids are right in the center of my heart, I know they are cause that is where the pain is. It is going to take a long time for prayer tonight, I better get started.

Saying Good-Bye

It has been a busy week. Papa is getting as much of Koyla as he can before he leave and Yana is saying her good byes to friends. Mama is preparing for Rick and Yana's departure. This is also the time that I prepare to leave this apartment we are living in and enter into phase two by moving into the church apartment on the other side of town. This has all gone by so fast, until Rick and Yana left, then time stopped.

Monday and Tuesday night Koyla spent the night at our apartment. Wednesday morning we prepared for the departure of Rick and Yana. Our plan was to get up early to finish Yana's studies and then take a taxi to Yana's grandma's house to say good-bye. The two women, grandma and great-grandma are such happy people. They encouraged Yana and were so positive. They shared such love with Yana and Koyla and for Rick and myself. They shared how grateful they were that we adopted Yana and blessed us with God's blessings. They made the departure easy and cheerful. What a honor God has given me to have met these two humble ladies that we are now waving good-bye to as we drive away from their humble dwelling that is hidden from the main road by a dirt path that a car can barely drive on.

Next stop is our journey to Tokmak. We are all taking the bus to Tokmak and then Yana and Rick will continue from there to catch the train in Zaporyzha. Granda has been calling Yana and making sure that we stop to visit before she leaves so he can say good-bye. The bus ride is hot and bumpy and the only air comes from the vent opened on the roof of the bus. The air blast you right in the face. It is not a comfort ride, but no one complains, this is life in Ukraine. We arrive in Tokmak and take a taxi to Grandpa's house. There he is waiting at the door for us along with a life long family friend. This is a woman that was close to grandma before she past away. Grandpa apologized for the condition of the house, he said when his wife died he gave up caring for the house and now it needs so much. Yana found a drawer full of pictures. She spent time going through them gathering ones that had meaning to her. All the pictures that we had set to Koyla of Yana decorated grandpa's living room. The pictures Yana took home with her we will scan and send back to grandpa. There are treasures in the pictures. I got to see Yana's mom in her prime. She was a beautiful lady. Grandpa told Yana that her mother was dead. Yana was disturbed by the news and wanted to know if it was really true. She thought maybe grandpa would say something like that so that she would put mom behind her and not wonder about her. I told her I would try to find out when I go for Koyla birth certificate.

The departure was hard for both Yana and grandpa. Grandpa is very emotional, the departure had lots of tears. He too showed Rick and myself such love and warmth. He holds such a special place in our hearts for who he is in these children's lives. Yana doesn't shed tears too often, this one brought out the tears. Koyla will see grandpa on our way to the train station next week, that will be really difficult for him.

We take the taxi to the bus station. What I invisioned as a sweet good-bye to Yana and Papa turned out to be anxiety and confusion because the buses in both directions were ready to take off. The taxi has to be paid, the tickets need to be bought, Papa and mama don't know what anyone is saying which always makes the confusion more intense. We hurry, kiss, rush, trip on to the buses and then we sit there for 10 minutes on this hot, smelly bus waiting to depart. Koyla body language says it all. He stares out the window, sunk in, just full of sorrow. He was perfectly happy living with grandpa in Tokmak even if there was no food and no water, and life was dirty, and hard. Grandpa was real sick when he gave up his legal rights to Koyla. He would have lost those right anyway if he hadn't turned them over when he did. Koyla's standard of living was pretty bad.

Koyla and I returned to Berdyansk and walked to the orphanage. Galina gave us permission to have him for 2 nights and then he had to go home. He hated going back, I hated taking him back. I could have used the company that night myself. We said our good-byes and I walked home. The apartment was too quite. I got a phone call from some friends asking me if I wanted to walk the boardwalk with them. I jumped at the chance to be with people. By the time I got home I was exhausted and emotionally spent.

Thursday I spent time with Koyla at the beach, we went out to eat, bought a new i-pod for the plane trip home, and went back to the orphanage. The plan that we last had with the director of the orphanage was Koyla could spend 2 nights with me and one at the orphanage, then 2 nights with me. I planned to take him on Friday night again. When I went to get him, again, the plans had changed. The orphanage was having a government inspection. All rules are being followed, with no execption. Legally Koyla is not allowed to spent time off campus with me until Monday, the end of the 10 day waiting period. Therefore, I have to visit him at the orphanage for the weekend and I can take him on Monday for the night. I was really looking forward to this weekend in the new apartment with Koyla. So much for my plan.

The adoption of both of our children have been a journey, not an event. God has made me so dependant on him in both adoptions that I know this is His plan and not my own. He has put people in my path that are treasures I would have never experienced if I did it my way. He has shown me that His will is far more important then my comfort and His glory will be revealed in His plan, not mine. I am sitting in my big apartment by myself still amazed at His grace, He is an awesome God.

Reviewing the Journey

It is so like our God to take us back to the beginnings of our journey and review how and why we started the journey in the first place. Yesterday was my day of review. Friday was our day in court, the completion of son, Koyla. On Saturday, our faclitator left for Kiev, so we had Koyla stay with us overnight. On Saturday we picked up Koyla for the long weekend, as well as Inna, Yana's friend and we walked to the beach. On our way to the beach Yana and Koyla are holding hands, what a sight to see. It is fun seeing the relationship between Inna and Koyla also, since Inna has been the go between Yana and Koyla. See too is very close to Koyla.

Rick, Yana, Koyla and Inna are in the water, and I am guarding all our possessions on the beach, when my eyes meet Marina! The day after our court date there is the person that started this whole thing. She is sweet, and very pretty. I can't show her picture though, there is not enough bathingsuit to cover her. She gave me a huge hug and kiss and asked if I were mad at her. Of course I am not mad at her. I got a chance to meet her boyfriend also. I think now we will see her often. She has returned to Berdyansk, the trade school transferred her to a school here in town. We also saw her Saturday evening. When I left her at the beach on Saturday she said, "Mama, I love you so much". She is all grown up. She looks much older then Yana, even though Yana is the older of the two.

There was no sadness in our meeting, just appreciation. As we walked home from the beach I thanked God for the work He has done and the work that is in front of us. For today though, Papa and Mama are going to take a rest. Yana, Inna, and Koyla are at the beach down by Grandma's house. It is nice having a big sister!

Time to prepare for the week ahead. Things are going to happen fast. Rick and Yana leave for Kiev on Wednesday so that Rick can sign the papers at the embassy before he returns to the states. I will move to the church apartment on Friday. We will all be home in no time!

Parents for the Second Time

Victor did it! He got us to court on June 5th, what a whirlwind this has been, especially for Victor. The judge agreed to give us this day so that we would not have to wait until June 12 which would mean Rick and Yana would miss their flight. Victor wasn't a 100% sure when he left on Saturday of the previous week that the SDA would give their signature of approval this quick. On Wednesday, he still didn't have it but they called Victor Wednesday evening saying they would have it on Thursday at 5:00 p.m. That would give Victor enough time to go home and get his bags and get to the train station before the train left. Thursday, Victor waits and waits and waits. Last minute he gets our papers, no time to return home. He gets on the train and heads to Berdyansk. We have to be at the courthouse by 10:30 a.m. Victor calls close to 8:30 a.m. and says he is in Tokmoc, an hour and a half away. He still needs to make copies of everything before court. He walks into the courthouse at 10:25 a.m. and 2 pages of the SDA papers are missing. They will fax them right down.

There is real peace in all this as we wait to see if this is really going to happen. Grandpa, Koyla, Yana, Rick and I have been waiting together since 8:15 a.m. Grandpa is doing good. He really enjoys our company. We presented him with his first cell phone. The kids spend most of the morning teaching him how to use it. Then we get word that everything is ready and just Rick and I enter the court. We are in there for an hour and 20 minutes. The judge is very thorough, she asked lots of questions from both of us. She called Koyla in and he stood face to face with her. At that point, she was so gentle and sweet to Koyla. The little guy had determination, he wants to be in our family. The judge leaves to make her decision and the family comes in. It takes a while and Grandpa has to go to get back to Tokmac for a doctor's appointment. When the judge comes back and announces that Koyla is our son the room turns festive. Papa, Mama, Yana and Koyla with others that are involved with the process. We are family!!!!

We have our 10 day waiting period, then the final steps. Victor is predicting that Koyla and I will be going home on the 25th of June, a one month process, unbelievable. We will live at the apartment we are in for 1 more week, then Koyla and I will move to an apartment at the church.
This happens when Rick and Yana leave.

Thank you God for your grace and mercy on this adoption. Your hand is all over it.
Mama (with 2 children)

Papa's Perspectives on the Journey

I’m FINE, really….
Just poppin’ in to insure the curious I really came w/family to berdyansk.
Oh, the memories of this place! Soo different from the deep freeze of winter.
I’m thinking of weaving through the daily notes to offer my own observations, highlighting snippets of the days we experienced.
First off- WHO IN THEIR WISDOM PUT THE DRUNK DIRECTLY BEHIND US IN THAT 11HR. PLANE RIDE TO KIEV? I barely tolerated his breath,(which smelled like we were sitting next to spilt diesel). I finally blew when he reached over the seats & grabbed both of our hair. Now I know why the windows don’t have cranks on them, he would have discovered what “open air coach” means to me….
You have to make snap decisions once you’re on the ground in this adoption adventure. You’ll be shopping for a temporary apt. while you wait for your appointment with the S.D.A. Victor our guide will lead us thru this process & has already selected a few for us to tour. We accept the first one.
You unload all your belongings into the apartment & unpack-sort of. We’ll be leaving soon after our S.D.A. appointment, therefore most everything stay’s where it is. We haven’t had much to eat so it’s off to a place we remember from before.
This is the real game-no practice runs anymore. You should now have your money belt on, your passport in another secure place, your wallet in another secure place, your Russian cell phone w/all the important people in it along w/emergency numbers (U.S. Embassy, etc.). Where is the code to enter the entrance door to your apartment? Do you have the keys for the place? Do you remember how to get back to it? Where do you buy groceries, snacks, drinks, & yes, that dreaded stink of a food called dried fish?
This is also where you learn fast you pay for everything. Fran has planned out a schedule of places & events w/ estimated budget in mind. She is wonderfully adept @ visualizing. Still can’t figure out why she married me….
This is soo different from the deep freeze of winter. Spring is here, it’s warm & people are everywhere. Fast pace, fancy cars, & fashion. A young woman clutching her infant approaches the tourist wearing white socks, shorts that show off skinny leper looking white legs (it’s me) & begs for money. She looks beat, & her face reveals long bouts of struggle. Her child fusses as I reach in my pocket. This is no time to pull out your wallet, & I hand her some coins. Yana approaches me w/her voice cracking, “Pop, I have some money you gave me to spend. Can I please give her this $10.00, please?” She saw something in her personal past that moved her w/compassion. May GOD touch her & her child.
The S.D.A. appointment, overnight train ride, the busch garden like taxi drive to berdyansk, apartment shopping, then our appointment w/Koyla is a whirl. The poor kid is so wound up tight w/emotion he’s sweaty & starts to hyperventilate. He doesn’t hug Yana-he embraces her, never looking directly@ her eyes.
Koyla does what he is told. He does not initiate at all. He never looks up, but focuses on the ground or off to the side. Kids that make it here don’t talk much about how they arrived. I try not to imagine the road he traveled to arrive here.
Soon we’re outside sharing a soccer game w/a gym class. Yana drifts off w/old friends, Victor chases endless paperwork, the inspectors are delivered back to their offices, & Fran & I are alone w/Koyla.
This is SO different from our last adoption. Quiet does not describe Koyla. Silent w/o looking @ you gets closer.
I recognize many of these kids. There is 1 girl, perhaps 11yrs., on top of the worn out slide fascinated by a feather tied w/cassette tape to a stick. The feather floats effortlessly w/grace & poise in the smallest of breezes. She is the one who snuggled into Fran’s lap that winter of 07/08 & in broken English begged, “I want a momma & papa”. She is darling, her eyes & smile perfectly expressing childhood innocence. I too become lost in the feathers flight. Our last experience w/adoption suddenly races to the forefront . The introduction to the girls, the smiles, laughter, balloon chasing, raw fish, wrestling, tears-many tears. Our eyes meet each other’s, she smiles as if she remembers, then continues to entertain herself loitering close by.
Fran uses our laptop to show Koyla pictures, but it’s difficult in the bright sun. We move to find shade. I look around to find my feather friend has gone.
We’ll have many more visits w/Koyla. Tomorrow is a brand new day.
Wednesday is a pleasure. Koyla is so innocent-like. He wants to come boldly forward, but this is overwhelming to him. Yana reconnects w/friends. She has come back to what she knew as her security, this time bringing her new security w/her.
Thursday is more time w/Koyla. He seems best to handle short amounts of time, 2-3hrs.This allows him time to absorb.
Friday is odd. It’s their graduation/step-up day. School graduation includes dress-up parades, music & pomp. The outdoor mall square/strip is active all day.
A word about Ukraine. 80years of communism has left it’s mark (scars) on the people. Without God, beauty is defined as how daring you can expose yourself. These women are daring. It filters down to the kids. So I’m looking @ a high school graduating class where the boys are marching with cigarettes & open beers, & the girls have outfits that somehow resemble a blend of a traditional Ukrainian molly maid outfit & something from Fredericks of Hollywood catalog. Fran suggests I take pictures of the event. “No way” is my reply. “The last thing I want happen is for me to try to enter the U.S. w/ a 16 yr.old I’m claiming is my daughter and a bunch of photos of underage girls wearing their underwear on the outside”….
Yana is allowed to bring 3 of her close friends here for a overnight. They range between 15-17 years old.
These kids are precious. They are bubbly, chatty young ladies. They’re clean cut kids, & they are pro @ making the most of a moment. A little clowning around goes a long way here.
Yana is kissing her pop @ every opportunity. She has her friends & her security both in the same place tonight. I am still in awe of the position a daughter places for her father, & the longing a girl has to have one. I sense there will be serious snacking going on. I place the stinky dried fish on the dining table, then open the 4th story window. “If they don’t finish this !#!?# perhaps I’ll get lucky & a seagull will”…
Blessings,
Papa

Hardship and Love

Our walk through the adoption of Koyla is giving me a new look at orphans, especially the children that are social orphans. Koyla has a grandpa that loves him and Yana a lot. He was unable to care for 2 children after his wife died so the children were separated. He gets very emotion when he sees Yana. They hug and kiss and he sheds tears. Koyla has been a huge part of his life, but because of illness and poverty, Grandpa had to put Koyla in an orphanage where he has better care. He had to give up his rights to Koyla to do this. This is why Koyla is up for adoption. This is not easy for grandpa, even though it was his decision. It is not easy for Koyla , grandpa has been his security all his life. This is a big factor in this adoption, even though legally it has no barren in the adoption. We want Koyla to walk away from Ukraine still secure that his grandpa is still his grandpa and always will be his grandpa.
On Tuesday morning we got up ready to go to Tokmac for the day. We were going to meet grandpa. At 8:00 in the morning the orphanage called and said grandpa was there and wanted to meet us. I think Galina made contact with him letting him know we were coming. He has no phone, but maybe there is a contact person. When we arrived at the orphanage he and Yana embraced. It was another emotional time for Yana and grandpa. Yana introduced us to him and she talked to him about the adoption. He asked her many questions. He told her that he would be bored without Koyla. Koyla is all grandpa has. His son is not a good man and left Koyla for the pleasures of his own life. Yana did an excellent job at encouraging grandpa and he knew that this was best for Koyla. Koyla has 2 choices right now, be adopted or live the rest of his teenage years in an orphanage, age out and be on his own. Adoption is appealing to him and being with Yana is more appealing.
When children are taken from their parents they go to a 1st stage orphanage where they spend 90 days be evaluated. Any relative that might be in the area is contacted. They are asked if they would like to raise the child, if not then they decide the orphanage best suited for the child. Many times relatives want to help the child, but can’t afford to. They visit the child or they will have the child come to the house for dinner or overnights, etc. If no one wants the parental rights to these children, then they can be adopted. That is why some of the children that leave have people they have had meaningful relationships with. When we adopted Yana the judge made a statement that I will never forget. She said that since no one in Ukraine wants you, these American people can adopt you. That statement is simply not true. Yana and Koyla have people here that care and love them, they just cannot care and love FOR them. The average income is less than $100.00 a month. The people that care about the children are old and poor and struggling with day to day life. The people that care for Yana and Koyla get up every morning to sustain themselves, and they have health issues on top of that. They are the people that have been greatly affected by the wars, communism, socialism and the collapsed economy. This economic downturn that is occurring in our country is far worse here. From Saturday until Tuesday we could not find a bank that had money. This is most difficult on the old people. Yana and Koyla will always be encouraged to care about these people. Their pictures will be part of our home décor, so they have them on the forefront of their minds. I want them to pray, write, and communicate with these people who have sacrificed to give them relationship and when the sacrifice became too great they were forced to let go. I have seen amazing love on this trip. I pray that I can love the two of them and care for them with the same depth and even more. I pray that neither of them will get caught up in materialism and will always treasure relationship over riches. I pray that the glory of God will be revealed in their lives and the path He takes them on will reveal God’s amazing love.
What more could you ask for in any adoption of two really special people that God had in his plans to be in our family.
Yana has had a great time, but this morning she looked at me and said mom, I am ready to go home. That is an answer to prayer. I am so happy that getting on with life is now in America, this is a vacation place. She can’t wait to go to Florida, were she gets to go after she returns home.

Another Day Filled with Blessings

Sunday was a very special day, not only because it was Sunday and we get to go to the Bethel Church, but we are going to Grandma’s house after church. Rick and I still have no idea who Grandma is so we are looking to put together pieces of Yana’s past. We are greeted with such warmth and love when we walk in the church. How good it is to see old friends both English and Ukrainian. What a sweet group of people. After church our friends Don and Inna join us for lunch at a café in town. Don, in his little red hot rod car drives us to Grandma’s house. We discover that Grandma is Yana’s great aunt on her mother’s side of the family. This lady took Yana under her wing as an orphan. Yana used to go there for dinner and sometimes spend nights there. She is very fond of her Grandmother and GREAT GRANDMOTHER. We have heard a lot about both of these women, but there is nothing in the records about them, so we had no idea how they were really related. I always thought it was Koyla’s grandpa’s sister. It is easy to see where Yana gets so many of her great values from. These two ladies are jewels that we are privileged to meet.
We show up unannounced and grandma comes to the door. When she saw Yana she lit up with happiness. “Yana, Yana, Yana”, kiss, hug, kiss, hug, kiss. This goes on and on and on. Great grandma then has her turn. Once again Mama and Papa are fighting back tears. The two women received us as if we were their own. We got hugs and kisses too. The two women are pioneers in the true sense of the word. They live together in a house with a little land surrounding it. The house is small with an outhouse, an indoor winter kitchen and an outdoor summer kitchen. There is a bathhouse outside that you have to heat water on the coal stove to get warm water. There are 17 chickens and 24 chicks. The rest of the property is gardens that go all the way around the house. The effective use of this little bit of land provides them with all the fruit and vegetables they need. The summer kitchen is where they do their canning and hidden under a hug rug is their food basement where they store their food. The great grandma who is 91 years old still works the gardens. Yana’s great aunt and her mother have a little competition of who grows the best vegetables. There were different gardens growing some of the same foods, like tomatoes, at different stages of growth.
Both women were so hospitable. We accepted a cup of coffee and tea in the summer kitchen. It was such a treat to sit in this little building as we tried to have conversation. They wanted so much to tell us things and I wanted to understand and pick their brains as well. Yana did a great job of interpreting but after awhile her brain got tired. Great grandma did manage to explain that her and her husband had built this place and that she lost him 18 years ago as well as 3 of her 4 children. The daughter that lives with her is her oldest of her children. I can’t express how I wanted to find out the details about her life. She was rich with history.
As we were visiting we heard a little cry in the bedroom. Yana’s cousin who lived with this grandma is now 25 and has a 4 year old little girl. Yana has talked about her a lot too. What a beautiful little girl. Unfortunately her cousin was working and was not going to be there any time soon. Hopefully we will have a chance to meet her before Yana and Rick leave. We promised to come back and bring Koyla with us. When Yana found out that we were going to adopt her she went out to visit them for advice. They told her to go and not miss the opportunity for a better life. Yana has so much respect for these two women that she listened to what they told her. Even on Sunday, they were giving Yana their blessing, they are so happy for her.
Then a taxi showed up. It was another cousin. The grandmother and grandfather to the little girl (the parents to the 25 year old cousin that was working), who live in Moscow now. They were here on vacation. They moved to Moscow when their daughter was young and left the daughter to be raised by her mother. The economy was so bad that they left to make money. What hardship these people have seen.
We said our farewells to the family, with lots of hugs and kisses, and went to the orphanage to see Koyla. We spent a couple of hours with him and left Yana and Koyla at the orphanage to play with friends. Rick and I walked into town. We are both going to need new shoes when we get home, we are putting the miles on them. Down time is not really down time. We have to get food, wash clothes by hand, buy water and a few other basics before we send the taxi to go get Yana. By the time we go to bed we fall asleep within seconds of hitting the pillow.
Monday we headed back to the orphanage to see Koyla. It is a God thing how our lives are knitting together. We now come to the orphanage and Koyla will run to us. He is trying to learn some English words and is very proud of himself if he answers in English. Yana is spending a lot of time with her 3 friends. We know that they will now be scattered, Inna is the only one that stays at the orphanage. Yana has stayed in touch with the 3 girls by e-mail and phone (thanks to skype). I am hoping that they can continue to have this relationship forever.
The last few days we have had a chance to see the sacrifice that Yana made emotionally when she made the decision to be adopted. Relationships are important to Yana, she left special people behind. They all encouraged her to go, even her 3 friends. I believe that God has picked Yana out of her situation in Ukraine to make a difference. I pray that she will receive the opportunity that God has given her and follow his will for her, whatever that looks like.

If you going to adopt in Ukraine I don’t think there is an easier time to adopt then this. This trip is a vacation for all of us (except for maybe Koyla). The weather is beautiful, warm but not too hot and the nights are jacket temperature. Since the church apartment that we were hoping to get wasn’t available until June 12th, we are living in an apartment about two blocks from the beach, two blocks from the outside mall, with small markets everywhere. The apartment we live in is in a housing project that looks old from the outside, but the inside is new. The inside is a simple Ukrainian home that is extremely comfortable. Many things about this area are appealing to me, especially the simplicity of lifestyle of day to day living. Notice I did not say the simplicity of women’s fashion that is far from simple. There is so much emphasis on beauty, sexiness, youth, worldliness, for the women, yet the men dress so plain and simple. Every time we go out we view a fashion show. The clothes don’t interest me as much as the shoes. Most of the women wear heals, the younger women where high, high, heals in their daily living. The lifestyle here is walking, and public transportation, the high heal shoe doesn’t fit the picture. Even the little girls and old women walk around in heals, just not so high. The outdoor mall has a smooth sidewalk, it was just redone last year, but the rest of the town is not smooth at all. Navigating the sidewalks in town is difficult with gym shoes on.
The days in the summer are long, the sun is up by 4:00 a.m. and about 9:00 p.m. it is dark. In July, August and September the streets are crowded with people. We are getting the benefits of the summer activities without the crowds. This is the Berdyansk that Yana misses. You spend all your time walking and there is something going on all the time to capture your interest. The beach is right here walking distance from the orphanage. As you walk to the beach there is dry fish everywhere along the way. It is so sad that life is so difficult here. I see in Yana how she loves this place, but she is mature enough to know that her life here would be hard. She has many friends here, but there are 3 that are real close to her. They spent the weekend at our apartment. The last day of school ceremonies were Friday, then the 4 girls came over to drop off their belongings and went on a marathon of playing and catching up. By the time the 3 went back to the orphanage they were exhausted. Yana asked Rick and I last night if there was any way to adopt the 3 girls. Two of the girls will leave the orphanage this year, the other one will stay. Only one of the 3 is eligible for adoption and she has a beautiful sister at the orphanage also. Knowing the tough life these kids have in front of them, it is difficult to leave them behind. Yana is willing to get a job to come back for them. My prayer is Yana will always have a heart for these children.
Yesterday we took Koyla to the waterfront, where there are games and rides. It doesn’t take too much communication to have fun. He had a really good time. This is his first time seeing the waterfront in Berdyansk or going on rides. He is in for a shock when he gets home. Can’t even imagine what Busch Gardens is going to look like to this little guy. Every day our relationship is growing. It is pretty uncomfortable for both him and us. Little by little we are getting to know how to break the silence and communicate our thoughts to him. He is doing the same. We are spending a lot of time with him without Yana. The nice part is if we get stuck we can call Yana and she will translate.
I have been up since 4:30 a.m., washed some clothes (by hand) and have to wait until Yana is a wake to hang them (outside). Fortunately our landlord and his wife came over yesterday, a very sweet couple, and she insisted that she wash the difficult clothes in her machine at home. When we came home from the orphanage, I looked out the window to find our clothes were hanging outside on the balcony.
Sunday, we will go to church and hopefully we will be able to visit a woman that Yana calls Grandma. She is not Yana’s grandma, but she is a sister to her real grandpa. The women used to have Yana come for dinner when she lived in the orphanage. Yana has very fond memories of the woman. Yana is touching bases with her past, lots of emotions. It is a privilege to walk this journey with these children, even when it is difficult.

The one picture of Rick and Koyla gives you an idea of the size of Koyla to his papa. The class picture is taken on step up day, this happens on the last day of school in all Ukrainian schools. The dress is traditional. This is Yana class they will all leave the orphanage. They all look like children to me, not ready to be on their own. Yana got to share the festivities, even the hair piece.