On My Way Home

Here I am at the airport in Kyiv, with a 6 hour wait for my flight.  I got off the train at 6:00 a.m., then off to the airport, with no where to go until 12:55 p.m.  I have breakfast--as a passtime--and see the computers.  It is a great time to review my thoughts.  I haven't thought too much about what I have missed until now.  I am headed back to the land of plenty.  What did I miss the most;
my husband, my lovely daughter, Yana, my good dog, Ginny, and my pillow.  I also miss my family and friends, but they have all been there for me throughout this journey.  I have gotten to know them in a deeper, more intimate way.  

On Friday, the doors to the student visa possibility closed.  Not the director's fault.  She just lives in the land of "Law", where everything has official papers, stamps, documents, ink, etc.  There was nothing officially written on Student Visa.  There is nothing illegal about an orphan going on a student visa, there is nothing legal either.  The bottom line... nothing.  The biggest disappointment was the U.S. embassy, they were not prepared to help out, even though they said it was the way to go.  They were giving me Ukrainian mindset answers, not American.  There is a fact in Ukraine, the orphan children are Ukrainian citizens and have all the rights of a citizen.  There is a fiction in the Ukraine, the orphan children have the same rights as other citizens of the Ukraine.  There is nothing legal in an orphan getting a student visa, there is nothing illegal for an orphan child to get a student visa.  My head is spinning with Ukrainian Law.  Where do I go from here, I know where to go, home to America and pray.  I am dealing with a child's life, no guareentees, hopes that I will adopt her with out obsticales in February 2009.  I could take her case to the judge and let them decide if her 1999 registration should be honored.  The chances are they won't honor it and the people that made mistakes would get punished.  I am not here to punish, I am here for grace and mercy.  Besides that the punishment would fall on the director who made a mistake.  I make mistakes everyday, I don't want to punish.  Besides, the sweet, loving director reminded me that Marina is completing the 9th grade and could go to a dirty, tradeschool and live in a run down dormitory!  Power is powerful.  

I take Marina back to Hotel Berdyansk for our last night together for ? long.  We do not say a word during the taxi ride, we don't say more then 5 sentences the whole evening.  She is in a shell and I have nothing to help her get out.  We watch 3 hours of Animal Planet and cuddle up to each other on the bed.  At 9:00 p.m. I look over and she is sound to sleep.  I pray and watch her for most of the night.  She has a pretty face.  During the night she takes my hand and puts it on her cheek and holds it there the remainder of the night.  How can I help but love this girl.  In the morning I am taking her back to the orphanage at 10:00 a.m., she has a friend coming from another town that she has known since she was a child.  I am thankful for the distraction.  In the morning we have a talk.  I told her I was disappointed, but not defeated.  I know that by this time next year, 11 months from now, she will be an American citizen.  She will have more opportunity then she could understand.  She will be a part of our lives forever.  We will see her before the 11 months is up.  Then I bought her a cell phone, so that we could call her easily.  We were having difficulty calling her.  The phone is my phone, she is using it for 11 months.  We have already talked several times.  We were walking down the streets of Berdyansk talking to each other on the phone.  

I left Marina upbeat and happy.  She has been down many times in her life, but thank God she doesn't stay there.  When I called her from the train station, she told me she had had a great day with her friend and shouted out, "I love you Mama".  

I haven't stopped praying for a miracle, I see Him in all this.  I wish I could see the whole picture, but I know that while walking through the darkness of circumstances, I see God's light.
God is glorious and deserves the praises of the universe, even in my dark moments.  God is working in the lives of many Ukrainians too.  They are learning to trust in Him instead of their government.  That is very difficult for them, they were forced to trust the government for years and they were persecuted for trusting God.  God never left Ukraine, He loves His people and is helping them grow out of the darkness.