I am having a great Easter experience in my beyond mid-life. I laid my burdens on the cross thanks to scripture, prayers of family, friends, and believers I have never met, but I know their heart. The results rest and trust which equals strength, according to Isaiah 30:15. God's promises are yes and amen and I can say amen to the peace that I have receive. Easter was such a joyful celebration for our family. Yana has been in America for 2 full months and is blossoming along with the spring. She is such a happy child, really loves her life. She and Papa really became buddies while mama was back in the Ukraine. I think Yana has papa wrapped around her finger. She can get him to do most anything, even ride the rollercoaster at Busch Gardens so many times that he turns green. Poor Rick ended up Easter Sunday night in bed spinning. It had no effect on Yana at all, she could have kept on going.
Both Rick and I found ourselves rejoicing over our adoption of Yana. We told Yana that God is able to change hearts and He changed our last year and put her on our heart. What a change in life we have taken. In February of 2007, when I met Marina, I thought I knew the course that God was moving us into. I thought I was filling out paper work to adopt Marina. The river of life flows and the unexpected turns are there to keep me close to God. On Easter Sunday, again I thought that I knew the way the river was flowing, the next time that I would see Marina would be next February. Monday...a turn. We received an e-mail from Frontier Horizons. The director of the Berdyansk Orphanage has approved Marina's visit for the summer!!!!!!!!!!
How cool is that? When there was nothing more that I could do, that is when God could do His work and He did it in deed.
God has alot of work to do in all 4 of us this summer. I am so appreciative that we can join hands and walk with Him together. We will be blending as a family, preparing for a future together. We will be nurturing and encouraging two young girls to trust in the Lord with all our hearts. We will be preparing for an adoption, doing a homestudy, and getting the dossiers ready for February. We will have to maintain courage and not let fear, doubt, and anxiety, try to steal the victory of the moment.
When I look at the whole picture, I am overwhelmed. Marina will come, then she will go. We will be returning to the Ukraine for another adoption, and that will take another 5 weeks of living in the Ukraine. I have to admit that I have told God that the river that I mapped out didn't have so many turns and much less rough water. It was safe and financially more realistic. It was an overwhelming picture, especially when we decided to adopt Yana along with Marina, but it wasn't anywhere near the size of His ocean that He has placed in front of me. It is bigger then life to me. I can see God up in Heaven smiling and nodding His head. He is looking down on me saying, "That's right Fran, if I was going to have control, I had to create an ocean, one that was too big for you to see the whole thing." That's where faith comes from, when the circumstances are so big that I look so small. It is not up to me to know what God has in store for this journey. The miracle that I have been asking for could be right around the corner. All I know is that God is holding my hand and we are walking in harmony, because I surrendered to His ocean and found my river was filled with currents that couldn't be seen from above the water, but almost took my life when I was in the water. I am blessed to have such a personal walk with my Lord and Savor. I have always wanted to see God. I do, I see Him.
Fran
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
He Has Risen
It is Easter, He has Risen, and we no longer need to live under the circumstances, we can rise above them. Nothing much has changed, mountain tops one day and valley experiences the next. The mountains are not so high and the valley experiences are not so deep. I am finding peace in the prayers, the cards, and most of all God's Word. It is comforting to know that God loves Marina more then I do and that He cares for her more then I do. That is the burden that Jesus took to the cross. The experience of death on the cross was painful, so were the burdens that went on the cross with Him. I have given Marina's adoption and freedom to Christ many times and taken it back as many. I have worried myself to the point of total fatique, then recharged myself by lifting the burden off of me and back on to His shoulders, where it belongs. I am just another Isrealite that just can't accept a good thing. When I read about them in the Bible I think to myself, those fools, why can't they accept a good thing. I know that I am also a fool, I have the good thing, yet I deny it and the burden becomes so heavy. In the Bible a fool is one that doesn't know the things of God, one who denies them. I guess it is easier to be a fool then I thought, I never thought that I would deny the truth that Jesus cares for Marina more then me.
Today, I am no fool. I have given Him the burden and feel His joy and peace in me. Today I feel like I am one personality, Fran, under Christ. Today, I am enjoying Yana and the joy continues even as she sleeps. I am not running to the bathroom or hiding in my bed crying, I am rejoicing. I thought Easter was going to be painful, it is not, it is the celebration that Christ so deserves to have.
Yesterday, Good Friday, Rick, Yana, and I went to service at the Chapel. A quiet, sobber service. A reminder of the night that Jesus took our sins to the cross, and felt the pain of our sins. Yana sat between Rick and myself, watching, listening, and I am sure wondering, what is this all about. We left the church holding each other, heads high, and smiling. We were suppose to be somber and quiet. We honored the quiet, but the somber was a tough one. We are happy and it was hard to hid. I told Yana that I am thankful that God put a love in our heart for her, even before we met her. That is how God works, the love comes before and it just keeps growing.
Praise God, for He alone is worthy to be praised. Happy Easter!
Fran
Today, I am no fool. I have given Him the burden and feel His joy and peace in me. Today I feel like I am one personality, Fran, under Christ. Today, I am enjoying Yana and the joy continues even as she sleeps. I am not running to the bathroom or hiding in my bed crying, I am rejoicing. I thought Easter was going to be painful, it is not, it is the celebration that Christ so deserves to have.
Yesterday, Good Friday, Rick, Yana, and I went to service at the Chapel. A quiet, sobber service. A reminder of the night that Jesus took our sins to the cross, and felt the pain of our sins. Yana sat between Rick and myself, watching, listening, and I am sure wondering, what is this all about. We left the church holding each other, heads high, and smiling. We were suppose to be somber and quiet. We honored the quiet, but the somber was a tough one. We are happy and it was hard to hid. I told Yana that I am thankful that God put a love in our heart for her, even before we met her. That is how God works, the love comes before and it just keeps growing.
Praise God, for He alone is worthy to be praised. Happy Easter!
Fran
Thursday, March 13, 2008
An Aha Moment
Marina, sweet, beautiful and loving. God has really embedded her in our hearts. The devil is working overtime to keep us apart. While I was out in the Ukraine, I had two recurring thoughts. I once had a conversation with someone that said she did not want the Holy Spirit in her life because she was scared of what He would ask her to do. What if He asked her to quit her job and be a missionary in Africa. The other thought was a phrase I have heard the pastor at the church that I attend say. Life is an adventure when you follow God. The definition of adventure changes as we get older. The two thoughts together became my aha moment. I am in a place in my life that I really don't want to be, but God does. It is an adventure, but it is so painful. When this adventure started I was in Berdyansk on a fact finding mission trip one year ago. I called Rick and said that I had fallen in love with a young girl, Marina. I would either have to move to the Ukraine or she would have to be adopted by us. Little did I know that moving to the Ukraine was the easier path to walk. The path has so many hills and always followed by a valley. Yana's adoption was just a level path. Every door that has opened has closed again. The good news is that time is passing and soon we will be adopting Marina. We had another door open. I learned about it when I was in Ukraine. An organization that host children from Ukraine. All I have to do is ask the organization to invite Marina for 3 weeks. and she can come to visit us during the summer. That is an okay plan. At least she would see her home, meet her dog, sleep in her bed. and know that this is here for her. I came home and called Frontier Horizon to find out the facts and we were elated when they told us that since we have a relationship with Marina, she can stay the whole summer, 9 weeks. I know the good bye at the end of 9 weeks would be hard, but it would put us closer to her adoption date. The organization has their representative in Ukraine contact the director and her answer is; she can only come for the summer if there is a guardian with her. In other words we would have to have a teacher here with her. She can come for 3 weeks, but she was worried that we would keep her. Our decision, bring on the teacher! The organization is contacting the director of our decision so we will see if there is sincerity there or not. Pray that there is please.
This morning in my prayer time, I felt stress and darkness. I really struggled with it and asked God why I saw Him so clear in my life and just could not see the same in Marina's. I have been praying scripture and injecting Marina's name into it. This morning the scripture that jumped out at me was Jeremiah 29:11
I know the plans that I have for Marina, declares the Lord, plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.
Hebrews 13:5
God has said, Never will I leave Marina, never will I forsake her.
The promises that God has Marina in his hands and He is only giving me a piece of the love that He has for her, that is where my peace comes from. I do pray that He will allow us her presence for the summer. Oh this journey has it moments when I ask God, if this adventure has to have so many painful moments, can't it just have a happy ending now. I will wait upon the Lord, He knows and that's the best mountain top experience anyone can have, to recognize that God is in control and I am just a small servant in His great plan.
Fran
Saturday, March 8, 2008
On My Way Home
Here I am at the airport in Kyiv, with a 6 hour wait for my flight. I got off the train at 6:00 a.m., then off to the airport, with no where to go until 12:55 p.m. I have breakfast--as a passtime--and see the computers. It is a great time to review my thoughts. I haven't thought too much about what I have missed until now. I am headed back to the land of plenty. What did I miss the most;
my husband, my lovely daughter, Yana, my good dog, Ginny, and my pillow. I also miss my family and friends, but they have all been there for me throughout this journey. I have gotten to know them in a deeper, more intimate way.
On Friday, the doors to the student visa possibility closed. Not the director's fault. She just lives in the land of "Law", where everything has official papers, stamps, documents, ink, etc. There was nothing officially written on Student Visa. There is nothing illegal about an orphan going on a student visa, there is nothing legal either. The bottom line... nothing. The biggest disappointment was the U.S. embassy, they were not prepared to help out, even though they said it was the way to go. They were giving me Ukrainian mindset answers, not American. There is a fact in Ukraine, the orphan children are Ukrainian citizens and have all the rights of a citizen. There is a fiction in the Ukraine, the orphan children have the same rights as other citizens of the Ukraine. There is nothing legal in an orphan getting a student visa, there is nothing illegal for an orphan child to get a student visa. My head is spinning with Ukrainian Law. Where do I go from here, I know where to go, home to America and pray. I am dealing with a child's life, no guareentees, hopes that I will adopt her with out obsticales in February 2009. I could take her case to the judge and let them decide if her 1999 registration should be honored. The chances are they won't honor it and the people that made mistakes would get punished. I am not here to punish, I am here for grace and mercy. Besides that the punishment would fall on the director who made a mistake. I make mistakes everyday, I don't want to punish. Besides, the sweet, loving director reminded me that Marina is completing the 9th grade and could go to a dirty, tradeschool and live in a run down dormitory! Power is powerful.
I take Marina back to Hotel Berdyansk for our last night together for ? long. We do not say a word during the taxi ride, we don't say more then 5 sentences the whole evening. She is in a shell and I have nothing to help her get out. We watch 3 hours of Animal Planet and cuddle up to each other on the bed. At 9:00 p.m. I look over and she is sound to sleep. I pray and watch her for most of the night. She has a pretty face. During the night she takes my hand and puts it on her cheek and holds it there the remainder of the night. How can I help but love this girl. In the morning I am taking her back to the orphanage at 10:00 a.m., she has a friend coming from another town that she has known since she was a child. I am thankful for the distraction. In the morning we have a talk. I told her I was disappointed, but not defeated. I know that by this time next year, 11 months from now, she will be an American citizen. She will have more opportunity then she could understand. She will be a part of our lives forever. We will see her before the 11 months is up. Then I bought her a cell phone, so that we could call her easily. We were having difficulty calling her. The phone is my phone, she is using it for 11 months. We have already talked several times. We were walking down the streets of Berdyansk talking to each other on the phone.
I left Marina upbeat and happy. She has been down many times in her life, but thank God she doesn't stay there. When I called her from the train station, she told me she had had a great day with her friend and shouted out, "I love you Mama".
I haven't stopped praying for a miracle, I see Him in all this. I wish I could see the whole picture, but I know that while walking through the darkness of circumstances, I see God's light.
God is glorious and deserves the praises of the universe, even in my dark moments. God is working in the lives of many Ukrainians too. They are learning to trust in Him instead of their government. That is very difficult for them, they were forced to trust the government for years and they were persecuted for trusting God. God never left Ukraine, He loves His people and is helping them grow out of the darkness.
my husband, my lovely daughter, Yana, my good dog, Ginny, and my pillow. I also miss my family and friends, but they have all been there for me throughout this journey. I have gotten to know them in a deeper, more intimate way.
On Friday, the doors to the student visa possibility closed. Not the director's fault. She just lives in the land of "Law", where everything has official papers, stamps, documents, ink, etc. There was nothing officially written on Student Visa. There is nothing illegal about an orphan going on a student visa, there is nothing legal either. The bottom line... nothing. The biggest disappointment was the U.S. embassy, they were not prepared to help out, even though they said it was the way to go. They were giving me Ukrainian mindset answers, not American. There is a fact in Ukraine, the orphan children are Ukrainian citizens and have all the rights of a citizen. There is a fiction in the Ukraine, the orphan children have the same rights as other citizens of the Ukraine. There is nothing legal in an orphan getting a student visa, there is nothing illegal for an orphan child to get a student visa. My head is spinning with Ukrainian Law. Where do I go from here, I know where to go, home to America and pray. I am dealing with a child's life, no guareentees, hopes that I will adopt her with out obsticales in February 2009. I could take her case to the judge and let them decide if her 1999 registration should be honored. The chances are they won't honor it and the people that made mistakes would get punished. I am not here to punish, I am here for grace and mercy. Besides that the punishment would fall on the director who made a mistake. I make mistakes everyday, I don't want to punish. Besides, the sweet, loving director reminded me that Marina is completing the 9th grade and could go to a dirty, tradeschool and live in a run down dormitory! Power is powerful.
I take Marina back to Hotel Berdyansk for our last night together for ? long. We do not say a word during the taxi ride, we don't say more then 5 sentences the whole evening. She is in a shell and I have nothing to help her get out. We watch 3 hours of Animal Planet and cuddle up to each other on the bed. At 9:00 p.m. I look over and she is sound to sleep. I pray and watch her for most of the night. She has a pretty face. During the night she takes my hand and puts it on her cheek and holds it there the remainder of the night. How can I help but love this girl. In the morning I am taking her back to the orphanage at 10:00 a.m., she has a friend coming from another town that she has known since she was a child. I am thankful for the distraction. In the morning we have a talk. I told her I was disappointed, but not defeated. I know that by this time next year, 11 months from now, she will be an American citizen. She will have more opportunity then she could understand. She will be a part of our lives forever. We will see her before the 11 months is up. Then I bought her a cell phone, so that we could call her easily. We were having difficulty calling her. The phone is my phone, she is using it for 11 months. We have already talked several times. We were walking down the streets of Berdyansk talking to each other on the phone.
I left Marina upbeat and happy. She has been down many times in her life, but thank God she doesn't stay there. When I called her from the train station, she told me she had had a great day with her friend and shouted out, "I love you Mama".
I haven't stopped praying for a miracle, I see Him in all this. I wish I could see the whole picture, but I know that while walking through the darkness of circumstances, I see God's light.
God is glorious and deserves the praises of the universe, even in my dark moments. God is working in the lives of many Ukrainians too. They are learning to trust in Him instead of their government. That is very difficult for them, they were forced to trust the government for years and they were persecuted for trusting God. God never left Ukraine, He loves His people and is helping them grow out of the darkness.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Ukrainian Darkness
Welcome to Ukrainian darkness, may I help you?
No papers were signed today. The director refuses. Marina was present when the director said Marina may not be the "same" kid when you come back for her in 11 months. All her same age friends were adopted- except for herself. Now the kids left are the "hardened" ones. these are the ones families have abandoned/abused. They're the kids no family relative thought they were worth keeping/helping. Ukraines get first option to select kids for adoption when they become available for a period of 1 year. After the 1 year wait, Ukraine opens they're availability for adoption to international families (us). The hardened ones are kids NOBODY in the world wants. Don't think for a minute that won't twist a kid's value/self esteem 180 degrees.
The 12yr old we got to know during our stay there, that sweet pretty kid smokes. There is no supervision outside the buildings. I can't imagine what the 16 yr olds have seen/done.
These are the very ones Marina will hang with. How long can she last in the mist of their behaviors, attitudes, habits, and lusts?
Fran is purchasing a flight to come home.
Welcome to Ukrainian darkness, may I help you?
Pappa
No papers were signed today. The director refuses. Marina was present when the director said Marina may not be the "same" kid when you come back for her in 11 months. All her same age friends were adopted- except for herself. Now the kids left are the "hardened" ones. these are the ones families have abandoned/abused. They're the kids no family relative thought they were worth keeping/helping. Ukraines get first option to select kids for adoption when they become available for a period of 1 year. After the 1 year wait, Ukraine opens they're availability for adoption to international families (us). The hardened ones are kids NOBODY in the world wants. Don't think for a minute that won't twist a kid's value/self esteem 180 degrees.
The 12yr old we got to know during our stay there, that sweet pretty kid smokes. There is no supervision outside the buildings. I can't imagine what the 16 yr olds have seen/done.
These are the very ones Marina will hang with. How long can she last in the mist of their behaviors, attitudes, habits, and lusts?
Fran is purchasing a flight to come home.
Welcome to Ukrainian darkness, may I help you?
Pappa
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Amazing Journey
My plan was to leave Berdyansk at 4:00 on Wednesday afternoon and head out to Zaporizhia, (I still haven't got the spelling to that one yet so I will call it Zap). I am tired of putting out the money and have been in this country long enough that it is time to do what Ukrainians do when they want to go to Zap, they hop on the Masuka(big 18 passenger van). I have been looking at these vehicles for 2 months, I even know how to act when I get on them, look out the window and don't smile. I can do this! We take off, and I have no idea what will take place on the other end. I don't know how to speak Russian, so what do I do when I get off the bus? I have a dual purpose in going to Zap, one is to have a paper signed that the lawyer typed up for Marina and the other is to meet Nancy to visit and plan a mission trip that is in the makings for this summer in Orphanage #3 in Zap. Everytime Nancy and I talk on the phone, we have no clear picture of how we are going to get together or what is going to happen on the other end. We only know that she has spent 2 amazing days in Kherson with the Agape team and they have set us up with a pastor in Zap to spend Wednesday night. Who, how and when are all good questions, but we have no answers until...it happens. I get off the bus and call Nancy. Her driver doesn't even know if they are in Zap or not. He is not familiar with Zap. They are to pick up a person, Olea, that will guide them to the pastor's house and hopefully to me. He has no clue where the bus station is and how long it will be before they can get to me. It is not like a bus station in America, it is dark and uncomfortable. I am not going to hang out there so I have to make a plan fast. I got it... There is one thing I know about Zap that will put Nancy and I together because everyone in Zap knows the same thing. Zap. has MacDonalds and only one MacDonalds!!! Everyone loves Zap MacDonalds and at this moment in my life, I do too. I jump into an Ukrainian taxi and tell the driver, MacDonald palshoota(please) and 10 minutes later, I am at the golden arches in Zap for the first time in my life. Pretty nice place, it looks very American. Nancy and I have planned to meet there, I arrive at 7:15 and she arrives at 8:45. It seem like hours and hours and hours. She ran out of minutes on her phone, so I lost contact with her. The only communication we have now is our Heavenly Father, prayer and more prayer. I had a chi (tea) inside, then decided to wait outside due to the extremely loud music inside. Watching what was going on outside was similar to watching an x rated movie. It was hard to believe the immorality that was going on in public. My heart was grieving for these people, how terribly sad. I did make a friend, out of the blue this black mix lab comes over and sits by me. Is this an angel? He stayed there for at least a half hour and 5 minutes after it leaves I hear, Fran, Fran is that you? Yeah...Nancy!
We do end up at the pastor's house, an wonderful family in a beautiful home. The pastor and his wife rolled out the red carpet for us. Nancy speaks little Russian, the 14 year old boy spoke little English and we would able to have a nice evening together. There were 4 children, one a tiny baby. What a breath of fresh air for me.
In the morning we were feed, showered, and off to meet our goals. We visited the orphanage and had lunch there and then set out to get this document signed. No easy task, I should have figured. We were sent all over the place looking for one lady. This was all done by cell phones, text messages, translators, and Olea, a person that gets the job done. Amazing! The paper is signed. We have just done what I call the Ukrainian blast. It just spins my head around to see the speed and confusion that happens when a document in Ukraine has to get signed.
Time to regroup. Nancy is getting on a train to start her journey home to the states. I am catching a Masuka to return to Berdyansk. We have met a some new friends. Olea (part of Agape in Zap), and Karla (a translator), both are true servants of the Lord. Before we part Olea announces we are going to MacDonalds! Isn't that the perfect ending to this day, I just love the Lord.
How have I seen the Lord in the last 24 hours? At 1:00 Wed. afternoon, my lawyer and I are talking. I walk out to buy a phone card and return to find another man has joined us. This man personally know the Minister of Sports, Family, and Youth. The very person that we need to talk to. When I left for the phone card we were discussing how we could ever get this person to talk to us! At 4:00 I am on the bus to Zap. Up until this moment, I wasn't sure if this is what God would have me to do. I was back and forth with Nancy, not knowing if I would be there or in Berdyansk. The answer came, I had to have this paper signed. I had angels all around me the whole time, I could tell by the peace I was feeling. All the dots connected at the end of the day, Nancy and I got together. We met an incredible servant, Olea, who spends her young life of 23 years old, teaching orphan children about God and giving them self worth by knowing how much God loves them and how special they are in the eyes of God. I returned to Hotel Berdyansk by the end of the evening on Thursday with enough time and energy to blog my journey and review how great God is.
Friday we meet Galina, the orphanage director. I do not expect her to say yes, but it is in God's hands. I know that I have done all that I can do, Rick and I have battled because our love for Marina is so deep. That is the most obvious place to see God, is the love He gave us for this precious young girl, how honored I am that God choice us to give that love to.
It is 10:30 p.m. on Thursday night and I am sitting at the internet cafe with tears streaming down my face, bathing in God's love. That is how I have seen God working in my life the last 24 hours.
We do end up at the pastor's house, an wonderful family in a beautiful home. The pastor and his wife rolled out the red carpet for us. Nancy speaks little Russian, the 14 year old boy spoke little English and we would able to have a nice evening together. There were 4 children, one a tiny baby. What a breath of fresh air for me.
In the morning we were feed, showered, and off to meet our goals. We visited the orphanage and had lunch there and then set out to get this document signed. No easy task, I should have figured. We were sent all over the place looking for one lady. This was all done by cell phones, text messages, translators, and Olea, a person that gets the job done. Amazing! The paper is signed. We have just done what I call the Ukrainian blast. It just spins my head around to see the speed and confusion that happens when a document in Ukraine has to get signed.
Time to regroup. Nancy is getting on a train to start her journey home to the states. I am catching a Masuka to return to Berdyansk. We have met a some new friends. Olea (part of Agape in Zap), and Karla (a translator), both are true servants of the Lord. Before we part Olea announces we are going to MacDonalds! Isn't that the perfect ending to this day, I just love the Lord.
How have I seen the Lord in the last 24 hours? At 1:00 Wed. afternoon, my lawyer and I are talking. I walk out to buy a phone card and return to find another man has joined us. This man personally know the Minister of Sports, Family, and Youth. The very person that we need to talk to. When I left for the phone card we were discussing how we could ever get this person to talk to us! At 4:00 I am on the bus to Zap. Up until this moment, I wasn't sure if this is what God would have me to do. I was back and forth with Nancy, not knowing if I would be there or in Berdyansk. The answer came, I had to have this paper signed. I had angels all around me the whole time, I could tell by the peace I was feeling. All the dots connected at the end of the day, Nancy and I got together. We met an incredible servant, Olea, who spends her young life of 23 years old, teaching orphan children about God and giving them self worth by knowing how much God loves them and how special they are in the eyes of God. I returned to Hotel Berdyansk by the end of the evening on Thursday with enough time and energy to blog my journey and review how great God is.
Friday we meet Galina, the orphanage director. I do not expect her to say yes, but it is in God's hands. I know that I have done all that I can do, Rick and I have battled because our love for Marina is so deep. That is the most obvious place to see God, is the love He gave us for this precious young girl, how honored I am that God choice us to give that love to.
It is 10:30 p.m. on Thursday night and I am sitting at the internet cafe with tears streaming down my face, bathing in God's love. That is how I have seen God working in my life the last 24 hours.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
New breath of life
It’s not an easy thing to do- put your wife on a plane and send her out on a mission alone. The objective is to rescue a 14 yr old girl we have bonded with 5000 miles away, in a land where populations were mass murdered to force conformity to communist ways. The plan is there, and people say they’re with you. Promises, assurances, schedules are organized, categorized, and agonized. Green lights "appear" from the fogginess of uncertainty- then she’s gone.
Fran’s "lifelines" are phone cards and e-mail. We communicate every day. There is no guarantee the plan will work, only the hope that we are being led to complete the good works that is in store for Marina. HE knows, and we know it.
Personally, I’m whipped. I have been in a state of grieving since jan.16, when we left Marina. I tend to shy away from crowds, seek solitude, and run on 1/3 the energy. Work is somewhat of a escape- I’m present- but I’m not there, really.
When I was asked to consider adoption, the question did not originate from my wife. Yes it came through her, but not from her. The question came from above. And the focus was NOT adoption. HE was asking Rick Rahn if I could trust HIM.with my most treasured pocession- my heart. If I could trust HIM, I was to lay it upon the alter and walk away. He would own it from here on.
I must say there were "conditions". 1- GOD, that your will always be my will ( so I’ll never be disappointed) and 2- YOU never leave me.( I’m coward)
So it goes. Now we are here, at this point. Fran has given her all, now she waits for the attorney.
Here’s the update...
They meet downstairs for tea. Fran orders our attorney lunch while he reviews the info/game plan concerning the orphanage director. During this conversation our attorney recognizes a person there also. They greet each other and quickly discover this man KNOWS officials who can help us! Seems he knows them SO WELL that connections can be made immediately to move Marina on her way. New plans are formed right on the spot, and their appointment w/orphanage director is put off for today..
Fran jumps at the new found opportunity, and now she is in another part of Ukraine. If this works, (pray!) we have a very good chance @ Marina coming home. This may be all that is needed for Marina’s release from the orphanage. We expect to have that appointment w/ the director by friday.
As it now stands, Fran is expecting to come home this Sunday. Marina, if approved will come in 3-4wks. I’ll have to go out there to pick her up and bring her home.
Today someone asked me how it’s going. After a brief answer, their response was, "You sure must have strong desires to nurture and raise kids!"
No, we don’t. Actually, I was drafting up a 12year "exit strategy" when these two kids surfaced. Never had that nurturing sensation. So I hope the next time you see us w/these kids that you see HIM who is in us. He’s easy to discover- look for the spring in my step, smile cracks on my face, the sparkle in my eyes.
"He’s here", my soul testifies. And he’s been here the whole time....
Blessings,
Pappa
Fran’s "lifelines" are phone cards and e-mail. We communicate every day. There is no guarantee the plan will work, only the hope that we are being led to complete the good works that is in store for Marina. HE knows, and we know it.
Personally, I’m whipped. I have been in a state of grieving since jan.16, when we left Marina. I tend to shy away from crowds, seek solitude, and run on 1/3 the energy. Work is somewhat of a escape- I’m present- but I’m not there, really.
When I was asked to consider adoption, the question did not originate from my wife. Yes it came through her, but not from her. The question came from above. And the focus was NOT adoption. HE was asking Rick Rahn if I could trust HIM.with my most treasured pocession- my heart. If I could trust HIM, I was to lay it upon the alter and walk away. He would own it from here on.
I must say there were "conditions". 1- GOD, that your will always be my will ( so I’ll never be disappointed) and 2- YOU never leave me.( I’m coward)
So it goes. Now we are here, at this point. Fran has given her all, now she waits for the attorney.
Here’s the update...
They meet downstairs for tea. Fran orders our attorney lunch while he reviews the info/game plan concerning the orphanage director. During this conversation our attorney recognizes a person there also. They greet each other and quickly discover this man KNOWS officials who can help us! Seems he knows them SO WELL that connections can be made immediately to move Marina on her way. New plans are formed right on the spot, and their appointment w/orphanage director is put off for today..
Fran jumps at the new found opportunity, and now she is in another part of Ukraine. If this works, (pray!) we have a very good chance @ Marina coming home. This may be all that is needed for Marina’s release from the orphanage. We expect to have that appointment w/ the director by friday.
As it now stands, Fran is expecting to come home this Sunday. Marina, if approved will come in 3-4wks. I’ll have to go out there to pick her up and bring her home.
Today someone asked me how it’s going. After a brief answer, their response was, "You sure must have strong desires to nurture and raise kids!"
No, we don’t. Actually, I was drafting up a 12year "exit strategy" when these two kids surfaced. Never had that nurturing sensation. So I hope the next time you see us w/these kids that you see HIM who is in us. He’s easy to discover- look for the spring in my step, smile cracks on my face, the sparkle in my eyes.
"He’s here", my soul testifies. And he’s been here the whole time....
Blessings,
Pappa
Can't Connect the Dots
I have been in Berdyansk for 7 days and I have gotten no where. I came here, as many of you know, to take Marina home as a foreign exchange student. When we left Berdyansk in January with Yana and left Marina in the arms of the orphanage director crying, the director asked us to look at taking Marina as a foreign exchange student. After a 2 hour battle with the director of the SDA, with Lawyer in hand, the director says, why don't you take her as a foreign exchange student. We get to the U.S. Embassy and they tell us to take her as a foreign exchange student. They assured us that it has been done, rarely, but there were cases that orphan children went as foreign exchange students. The embassy gives us a list of what to do and what we need. We venture home with hope of having Marina home with us within 2 months. Everything we need falls into place perfectly. We use our contacts in Berdyansk to help us with the passport to make this all happen and we get resistance from the director of the orphanage. We continue on thinking that we can overcome this by being here personally and talking to her. That is why I am here. A simple task has turned into another Ukrainian nightmare.
First, I arrive at the orphanage with less then an hour sleep in 2 days. My lawyer announces that she is only staying in Berdyansk for the day and is leaving that night. Our agreement was that she would stay for 2 days. That put me at the orphanage a day before I was prepared to go. The Lawyer shows up totally unprepared to present a case. We arrive at the orphanage, un-
known to us, 1 hour after the police and the inspectors had been there, because someone filed an abuse charge against the orphanage. We did not find this out until the next day. I am sitting infront of the director who is stressed, and upset. She is saying things that totally catch me off guard. I went back to the motel so upset, defeated, angry, hurt, and needless to say tired. I went to bed at 6:30 p.m., woke up at 2:00 a.m. and prayed and petitioned God. I went back to sleep and woke up fresh the next day. I decided to pick up Marina for the weekend and deal with everything on Monday. When I went to ask permission to have Marina, the director was as sweet as can be and says that she wants me to take Marina home on a student visa, I just have to show her how it is done.
I start making calls. On Monday the answers start to come in. I hire a new local lawyer here in Berdyansk, he is sharp and knows his people. We put all the pieces together. The SDA says, they are not in business of student exchange, they are in business of adoption, call the ministry of education. We call them, we call the embassy. The embassy says the privacy act prevents them from giving out information. After two days of chancing a dream there are lots of dots, but they do not connect. There is no law that says an orphan child can not be adopted. In fact the law says that an orphan child is a citizen of Ukraine and has the same rights as any other citizen. There is nothing in writting that an orphan child can go. There is in writting that an orphan child can get a visa for medical reasons and the orphan child can have a travel visa, but nothing written about student visa. No one is saying no, no one is willing to take responsibility. That puts all responsibility on the director of the orphanage. Her fear is the government coming in and removing her from her job. Wow.
I have spent hours with the Lord, praying, reading scripture, and crying. I don't see what He is seeing. I look at God and I have peace, I look out my window on the 11th floor of the Berdyansk Hotel and I become over whelmed with fear. Marina is old enough now to have alot of liberties at the orphanage. She has watched all her friends be adopted, her friends now are hardened girls. I won't go into detail on what I see that is influencing her, because I fill up with fear. I know that God sees all of this and more. I know that His love for Marina is far greater then I could ever love her. I reviewed scripture that ease fear, worry, grace, mercy, love. orphans, care, miracles, mountains, valleys, and praise. I am numb. In one hour I go back to the orphanage with the lawyer and he will try to convince the director to let Marina go to the United States with me for 11 months. I am hopeless.
I heard God say one thing, I heard two things;
you, O God, are strong
you, O Lord, are loving.
Thank you for your prayers. I never have needed them more then right now.
First, I arrive at the orphanage with less then an hour sleep in 2 days. My lawyer announces that she is only staying in Berdyansk for the day and is leaving that night. Our agreement was that she would stay for 2 days. That put me at the orphanage a day before I was prepared to go. The Lawyer shows up totally unprepared to present a case. We arrive at the orphanage, un-
known to us, 1 hour after the police and the inspectors had been there, because someone filed an abuse charge against the orphanage. We did not find this out until the next day. I am sitting infront of the director who is stressed, and upset. She is saying things that totally catch me off guard. I went back to the motel so upset, defeated, angry, hurt, and needless to say tired. I went to bed at 6:30 p.m., woke up at 2:00 a.m. and prayed and petitioned God. I went back to sleep and woke up fresh the next day. I decided to pick up Marina for the weekend and deal with everything on Monday. When I went to ask permission to have Marina, the director was as sweet as can be and says that she wants me to take Marina home on a student visa, I just have to show her how it is done.
I start making calls. On Monday the answers start to come in. I hire a new local lawyer here in Berdyansk, he is sharp and knows his people. We put all the pieces together. The SDA says, they are not in business of student exchange, they are in business of adoption, call the ministry of education. We call them, we call the embassy. The embassy says the privacy act prevents them from giving out information. After two days of chancing a dream there are lots of dots, but they do not connect. There is no law that says an orphan child can not be adopted. In fact the law says that an orphan child is a citizen of Ukraine and has the same rights as any other citizen. There is nothing in writting that an orphan child can go. There is in writting that an orphan child can get a visa for medical reasons and the orphan child can have a travel visa, but nothing written about student visa. No one is saying no, no one is willing to take responsibility. That puts all responsibility on the director of the orphanage. Her fear is the government coming in and removing her from her job. Wow.
I have spent hours with the Lord, praying, reading scripture, and crying. I don't see what He is seeing. I look at God and I have peace, I look out my window on the 11th floor of the Berdyansk Hotel and I become over whelmed with fear. Marina is old enough now to have alot of liberties at the orphanage. She has watched all her friends be adopted, her friends now are hardened girls. I won't go into detail on what I see that is influencing her, because I fill up with fear. I know that God sees all of this and more. I know that His love for Marina is far greater then I could ever love her. I reviewed scripture that ease fear, worry, grace, mercy, love. orphans, care, miracles, mountains, valleys, and praise. I am numb. In one hour I go back to the orphanage with the lawyer and he will try to convince the director to let Marina go to the United States with me for 11 months. I am hopeless.
I heard God say one thing, I heard two things;
you, O God, are strong
you, O Lord, are loving.
Thank you for your prayers. I never have needed them more then right now.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
21/2 Wonderful Days!!!!
What is the best medicine for frustration?.......Marina. Maybe someday Marina will be my frustration, but for now, she is the best cure for the blues that Mama can have. We have had the best time just being together. The longer we are together the better it is getting. It has been good for her too. We have spent most of our time hugging each other, talking, walking, laughing, and doing word puzzles.
When I arrived on Thursday, I knew that Marina needed time away from the orphanage. She was angry, hurt, and put a wall between her and God. If I even mentioned God, she would just turn her head. As time went on, the girl we left here returned. She went to church today and seems to enjoy the service. Up to today, when we would pray, I would get a limp hand. Today, I got a firm grip. She told me today if she ever gets out of Ukraine she is never coming back. Of course she would have to so that I can adopt her, but I am not going to tell her that right now. She is very guarded about the student visa program. She understands, but is not getting too excited about it.
Nancy and I will go seperate ways tomorrow. She will go on to Kherson and I will stay in Berdyansk. I am waiting on the Lord to help me with the next step. Marina say, Mama, you pick me up after school tomorrow? My answer, I don't know. She doesn't understand the whole picture and there is a language barrier. I will do what ever I can to make this happen, so I will travel whenever I need to and try to explain everything to her later.
I miss Rick and Yana, and so often we sit at the same tables as when there were the 4 of us. We always point to where Rick would sit and where Yana would sit and wish they were with us. Next year, February 2009, we will all do this again. I only wish that this would happen just once in the summer. Maybe winter is better. People where clothes in the winter. Last summer a lady from Italy was asked to wear clothes in the open market, she had nothing on. They had to pass an ordinance that you must wear clothes in the downtown area. I know that will never happen in this cold weather!
I appreciate the comments and prayers. Please pray that the Lord will give me wisdom for the next move. I am not sure if anything can be done on this end or if it is time to go to Kiev. I just pray that I will know what to do when I wake up in the morning. Marina will go back to school at 7:45 a.m. I have one week to make a difference. I feel pretty small and powerless right now. I know that is the best place to be. When I am weak, I step aside and let the power of God do the work. I know I can't but he can. Tomorrow is a good day to find out what He can do, because I have no plan.
When I arrived on Thursday, I knew that Marina needed time away from the orphanage. She was angry, hurt, and put a wall between her and God. If I even mentioned God, she would just turn her head. As time went on, the girl we left here returned. She went to church today and seems to enjoy the service. Up to today, when we would pray, I would get a limp hand. Today, I got a firm grip. She told me today if she ever gets out of Ukraine she is never coming back. Of course she would have to so that I can adopt her, but I am not going to tell her that right now. She is very guarded about the student visa program. She understands, but is not getting too excited about it.
Nancy and I will go seperate ways tomorrow. She will go on to Kherson and I will stay in Berdyansk. I am waiting on the Lord to help me with the next step. Marina say, Mama, you pick me up after school tomorrow? My answer, I don't know. She doesn't understand the whole picture and there is a language barrier. I will do what ever I can to make this happen, so I will travel whenever I need to and try to explain everything to her later.
I miss Rick and Yana, and so often we sit at the same tables as when there were the 4 of us. We always point to where Rick would sit and where Yana would sit and wish they were with us. Next year, February 2009, we will all do this again. I only wish that this would happen just once in the summer. Maybe winter is better. People where clothes in the winter. Last summer a lady from Italy was asked to wear clothes in the open market, she had nothing on. They had to pass an ordinance that you must wear clothes in the downtown area. I know that will never happen in this cold weather!
I appreciate the comments and prayers. Please pray that the Lord will give me wisdom for the next move. I am not sure if anything can be done on this end or if it is time to go to Kiev. I just pray that I will know what to do when I wake up in the morning. Marina will go back to school at 7:45 a.m. I have one week to make a difference. I feel pretty small and powerless right now. I know that is the best place to be. When I am weak, I step aside and let the power of God do the work. I know I can't but he can. Tomorrow is a good day to find out what He can do, because I have no plan.
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