Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

The same rollercoaster ride, just a new turn and a fast twist, and at times your upside down. That sounds like the "Griffin" at Busch Gardens, but it is not, it is the adoption (or not adoption) of Marina or is it Maryna? It sounds like turmoil, confusion, upset, and defeat. It is not, it is peace, comfort, submission, and faith. Is life a path without curves? Either is this journey that I agreed to take. Can the curves throw you off balance? Yes, if they are taken too fast, or if your eyes are not fixed on the right place.

We are on our 21st day with Maryna (or is it Mara). It started out with turbulance which we attributed to insecurity, jetlag, confusion, language barriers, etc. The guardian and friend returned to Berdyansk and after a brief dip in mood, a swing that started the assent uphill. That is when we took a car trip to Jamestown New York to see my family. A planned time of celebrations. Chris is graduating from High School, Ethan is getting baptised, Teresa got engaged, and Rick and Fran have their 2 girls! Unfortunately, Gina and Rob are left behind in California because their baby is due any time and she can't fly (we still celebrated our new addition to come). The trip to Jamestown took 10 hours, we stopped a lot, ate a lot, laughed, watched DVDs, listen to music, slept, talked, and finally arrived safe and sound on Thursday afternoon on June 27th. Lots of people, lots of confusion for a young girl that doesn't speak the language. We start to see mood changes. Is it hormones, age, confusion, insecurity, or the boyfriend back in Berdyansk? Yes it is.....all of them. The weekend has lots of fun; swimming, motorcycle ride, horseback ride, games, graduation party, and dance. Alittle taste of everything in a short period of time. Then the rain cames over Jamestown and the Rahn family. The weather keeps us inside, and the confusion level increases. I see Marina going down hill. By Saturday evening we recognize we have a real problem. Marina has turned on her defense mode and she is going to be as mean and ugly to Mama and Papa as she can be. She is going to go back to what is familiar, to her orphanage, to her boyfriend, to what she knows and her way of doing this is going to be by making Mama and Papa hate her and send her home. We make it through Sunday (barely) and Monday morning we are on our way home. The first half of the trip is aweful. She won't even talk to Yana. Nothing was pulling her out of it. What a long trip this is going to be with an iceberg in our back seat. Rick and I traded off with Yana so that she could enjoy the view of the front seat, instead of the storm in the back seat. I asked Marina to relax. Nothing could be done until we got home, as far as sending her home, so just enjoy the trip. She did and the "Son" entered the back seat. We were all grateful for the break.

We get home, there is no move on making plans for her to leave and she feels out of control--the storm returns. There is no acting out, just crying, isolation, ignoring Mama and Papa, anything that would make us turn away from her.

Where is Yana in all this? She is an angel sent from above. Yana was a shinning light. She felt sorry for Mama and Papa, so she gave us extra love and still is. She realized the fullness of having family. She is grateful for all she has and is ready to move forward and not backwards. Praise God that such good can come out of this. We know that Yana needs a break from this. She has been in the middle of this for 5 days, 24-7. She asks to have her friend over that is also from Berdyansk. The 2 girls are best friends and haven't seen each other in 10 days. Mama takes Yana, Ella, and Marina to Busch Gardens. Ella sees what is going on and she also feels bad for me so she tries to help Marina open her eyes to what she is doing. The 2 girls are given an assignment, help Marina have fun. They accomplished their goal and we return home. Marina is still on a mission to make Mama and Papa miserable. By now I know that Marina has two dates that she can return to Berdyansk, July 14th or August 28th. That is the only time that a guardian will be traveling and since the guardian that I paid for, so that Marina could come, went home, that is just how it has to be. Wednesday evening the girls have had it with her behavior toward us. They see the disrespect, the lack of caring about the sacrifices that we made, the hurt that she has caused us and the pain of the whole situation. The girls are more taken back by it then we were. I hear arguing in the bedroom, the two girls leave the room and Marina is left to cry herself to sleep. I go in and sit with her, and pray for her, leaving her to deal with her emotions and her God. Thursday morning, we plan to go to the Ukrainian market, and swimming, topping the evening off with a trip to Busch Gardens for fireworks. The iceberg is thicker then ever as I serve breakfast to the girls. I wrote Marina a letter that gave her the two days that she could fly home. I also told her that our love for her was not like a love that is person to person. Our love was from God that flowed through us and out to her. Therefore it doesn't change because of behavior, it is unconditional. Since she couldn't change it could she please just enjoy herself while she was here with us and let us enjoy her. We also communicated that we have done everything she has asked for, so if she is mad at anyone she is mad at herself for asking.

Off to the Ukrainian market, the "Son" started to appear. By evening the "Son" was shinning bright. Mama and Papa were allowed to have the love that God has put in her heart for us. I must say that Rick and I could hardly keep our eyes open that night. This emotional stuff is exhausting. Things have been better for the last couple of days. We have no idea what the next few days will hold. She is telling people that she is going back on July 14th. As of right now, we are not moving forward on the adoption. We are seeking God's wisdom. She seems to really be enjoying her freedom to love and be a part of the family. We have had a few minor mood swings, nothing abnormal for a 15 year old girl. None of this behavior is abnormal for children that do get adopted and know that life has changed. The only difference is that Marina goes back and her life does not have to change.

We have been fact collecting about Marina in Berdyansk. She did graduate from the nineth grade. She is not a great student, so the director can send her off to trade school. The director told us that she would keep her until the adoption. Since Marina is talking about going back, it is looking like she will be sent off to trade school. This will be a life changing situation for her. That is the heartbreak for Mama and Papa. She is choosing a path that is full of sorrow. I fear that another name change is going to happen. This time it is a name from the book of Esther in the Bible, Mara, it means bitter. Marina's life will become bitter over time.

We are praying for God to intervene in all this. In the depth of her dispair with us, she has never stopped being a part of the family prayer time. Even when she wouldn't speak to us she wanted to pray with us. She knows the light, she has seen it and she knows the darkness, she has felt it.
We do believe in God, the Father Almighty, and know that He is in control, even if Marina goes back to what she thinks is home.
Fran